Jay and Silent Bob's Secret Stash

Kevin Smith's NHL Blog - So this is what it feels like
Originally posted on April 14, 2008

Kevin is perhaps best known for his movies Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Mallrats, Dogma, and Clerks. He also played "Warlock" in last summer's action hit, Live Free or Die Hard. An avid hockey fan, Kevin references hockey in all his films. Born and raised in New Jersey, Kevin will be analyzing his home-state Devils throughout the Stanley Cup Playoffs.


Dumb lucks goals, curious calls in our favor, pucks deflecting off our own players that convert to goals, getting spanked on your home ice...


So this must be what it feels like to be a Rangers fan.


Some much-needed lucky breaks in Game 3 was all the help the Devils needed to notch their first win in the series. And the win was made that much sweeter by the following (in no particular order)...


1) Dubinsky denied a hatter: It was looking like the kid was gonna do the nearly-impossible. Mercifully, Marty came through at the thirteen minute mark of the third period and crushed the little #$#@'s dreams like a child informed that not only does Santa not exist, but if he did exist, he'd be a child-hating Nazi responsible for the cancellation of next year's Nickelodeon's Kid's Choice Awards.


2) Avery's ooga-booga antics: Did Sean Avery remind anyone else of the animated Harlem Globetrotters when they met up with the Scooby Doo gang? Y'know like pulling fire extinguishers out of their pants and doing stuff on the court in the cartoon that made their non-animated counterparts in real life look like the Chicago Bulls, circa Michael Jordan. The dude flat-out turned his back on the game and started flapping his wings at Marty like he was a club-kid on Ecstasy hearing "It's the End of the World as We Know it" for the first time. Sure, it's a legal move (and only something you can even think about trying when you've been blessed with a two man advantage), and granted, a minute or so later, he somehow managed to score thanks to a gift of an assist (Gomer why'd you never play this well when you were collecting your check on the other side of the Hudson?). But for that moment, the dude stripped hockey of its dignity and brought it down to the level of '84 WWF. I half expected the Iron Sheik or "Classy" Freddy Blassi to jump on the ice in support and hit Marty with a folding chair.


3) Hearing that hush fall over the Garden after John Madden's game-winning goal: They say silence is golden; if so, then in that moment, every Devils fan was a billionaire. There's no sweeter sound than that of a mouth-agape, dumbfounded Rangers fan who's suddenly realized his or her team just pissed away a series stranglehold... except the sound of twenty thousand mouth-agape, dumbfounded Rangers fans who simultaneously realize their team just pissed away a series stranglehold. I hope ya'll saved enough cash for yet another train ticket to Newark, 'cause now this $#%^'s going back to the Rock on Friday, no matter what.


4) Vs. leaving the audio open so we could listen to Mike Rupp call Paul Mara a "#$% #$%" and a "little #$": Seriously, why doesn't every non-network hockey telecast do this? Do they really think toddlers are watching? We're all adults here: let us listen to other adults swearing at each other in the heat of the moment. As much as I love the NHL, I'd divorce my wife and marry the NHL if they hung ninety microphones over the ice so we could hear every desperate blasphemy and vulgarity that escapes these guys' lips when they get into it. They always let us see them beat the snot out of each other; why can't we always listen to them call each other % suckers, too? I don't wanna have to strain to hear it or read lips, either; I want that in 5.1 stereo sound. THX, even. The audience is listening... and we wanna hear some nasty cuss words hurled around like we're listening to "Eddie Murphy: Raw."


5) Twice converting power-plays into goals: In the same game, no less. Not since their Feb. 9th game against Carolina (poor, poor un-seeded Carolina) have the Devs been able to do this. That the double-PP-goals drought ended in a game against the Rangers, however, was just perfectly poetic.


6) The hero becomes the goat (sorta): there was no shortage of affection from Ranger fans for rookie Brandon Dubinsky after he notched two goals in the game. But if I were a Ranger fan, I'd be pissed he didn't cover his man Madden after that final face-off. If Brandon stuck to Johnny, number 11 wouldn't have had the chance to hurl that puck at Lundqvist to win the game. Still, though, it ain't all Brandon's fault: I'd save a little bitterness for Marc Staal (well, really Marc Staal's skate).


The best part about the Sunday night win, though, is we don't play again 'til Wednesday. That gives the Devils two and a half days to rest up and plot their next move; but more importantly, it gives the Rangers two and half days to think about how they blew a series shut-out that was well within their reach. You just know they're burning right now; burning in Devils' Hell.


Thank you, John, Patrik, Zach, Sergei, Marty, Brent and all the boys for rewarding the faithful. Not only did you make it a series last night, but you did so by entering the House of Henrik and taking a huge dump on his carpet.


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