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Posted by jkm822 at on January 18, 2004 at 01:35:26:

In Reply to: I believe posted by Suplee_Mental on January 17, 2004 at 10:44:43:

: well, life is fleeting, and because of that no one mans life makes any real difference. We all die anyway, and if one man doesn't contribute something special, then another man will.

Life IS fleeting. But I don't think you're right, that no one person's life makes a real difference. You have an impact on the lives in which you're involved. You say you have a partner and friends - their lives would be different if you weren't a part of them. Even people you hate - say, an ex, or some schmuck you fought with in high school - are affected by you. And that has a ripple effect. So everyone who's ever been in contact with another human being makes a difference, even if it's just to one other person. Because that person matters to someone else, who matters to someone else, who is inspired by that person to create something beautiful.
Wow, who knew I was such an optimist?

: It's not that I haven't been able to contribute. I have a job I enjoy, a house, a partner, friends. I'm effectively doing the "grown up" thing. But sometimes I don't now why one waits for death. Things can be great and things can be horrible. neither one matters very much. we all just keep forging ahead to the day we die.

Why wait for death? It's inevitable, it's out there in the nebulous future, it's going to happen someday. But that doesn't mean you have to go into the next day thinking, "Is this the day I'm going to die?" Yeah, we all keep forging ahead, but it's more a question of your outlook on life. You can think about life as a short, pointless journey that ends in death, or you can think of it as a work in progress. Sounds like your outlook, at the moment, is pretty bleak.
Though I'm the last person to preach about mental health, seeing as how I've recently been diagnosed as depressed and have been put on drugs for it (against my will; I'm not a subscriber to the "take a pill to make it better" school of thought). I don't know that I believe in psychotherapy, or any of that crap. But if you're that miserable... well, you might want to think about it. I lost a friend last year, because he committed suicide. As I said, I've never really been able to wrap my head around suicide; having this happen didn't make it any easier to understand. All I know is that a wonderful person and good friend isn't here anymore. Someone who contributed - positively - to MANY lives (he was a college professor, and the favorite of many students, to say nothing of we, his co-workers). All the people whose lives he could have touched after October 30th, 2002, will now go through their lives never having known him. Who knows what great things could have come from his influence on others? And now, we'll never know. And you can't tell me that there aren't people who would be positively influenced by YOU, tomorrow, or next week, or next year, or somewhere down the line. I just will never understand cutting a life short by choice. That they get cut short by accident is bad enough.

: I guess I feel like if I knew I was okay, if I knew I wasn't one day going to discover everything was just a product of my own delusional mind, that maybe a real sense of purpose would arise. But I'm just in some sort of purposeless limbo, hurling towards death, just like everyone else (except they maybe invent their own purpose to make the trip meanigful for them).

The world, or at least your little microcosm of it, is what you make of it, my friend. Maybe it is just a product of a delusional mind, but it's yours, and you should make the best of it. Why worry about whether your life is meaningful as far as the rest of the world is concerned? It's YOUR LIFE. If it means something to you, and the people you love, that's what matters.
(For the record, this is NOT the happy pills talking. I've always felt this way.)
(Which makes one wonder why they put me on happy pills in the first place, really.)

: ever look up into the sky and suddenly feel isolated? like you are a part of something so much bigger than humanity. something that will move on whether you are in the mix or not.

No, not really. I look up at the sky and think, "Wow, look at that. It's beautiful, isn't it? I'm really glad I got to see that." Will the world keep turning without you? Sure it will. But it would be the lesser for it.
I could go into how selfish I think suicide is, but I don't think that's the right tack to take, here. What I think you need to think about is the fact that while yes, the world is a big place, it's made up of small groups of closely-related people. And you're a part of one (if not more) of those groups. And that MATTERS.

: wow...I am in a funk this morning...

You are indeed. I'm sorry you're feeling so down. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know.

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