Posted by The Right Reverend at cae26-122-065.sc.rr.com on August 28, 2001 at 12:53:06:
This gave me a chuckle:
> See, the way I look at it is like this:
> The next level is fun. not many people venture
> there and the ones that do find ample rewards.
> I don't know why people fear the next level...
> they call it uncouth, barbaric, even
> embarassing... But I... I strive for the next
> level... Allow me to elaborate...
> (Dick and Chris: I was sober this time, which
> brings me to a belated apology for anything I
> may have said that personally offended either
> of you. If I did or said anything that you
> found OFFENSIVE, my bad. If I was just
> embarassing as hell... groovy. I needed that
> night more than I can tell you).
> Anyhow, yeah... next level...
> As you all know, the past few months have
> been... difficult. And for some reason that
> came to a head tonight. Maybe it was Jay and
> Silent Bob, maybe it was stress, maybe it was
> the knowledge of quickly approaching the 4-year
> mark, maybe it was a mixture of all those
> thigns, but there I sat after the movie on a
> friend's porch enjoying a beer. There was this
> cute little blonde sitting next to me and for
> some reason or another (theys ay it was
> accidental) flung out her hand that was holding
> her bottle of Red Stripe.
> Her open bottle of Red Stripe.
> Her open bottle of Red Stripe that effectively
> emptied itself on my face, my chest, my crotch,
> and my legs when she flung her hand out.
> Oh there were mighty chuckles all around. I
> smiled and picked up a bottle of PBR, covered
> the mouth with my thumb, and shook it
> violently. Oh, how everyone laughed at the idea
> of Rob spraying beer all over the girl who had
> just made it very difficult to explain to the
> officer who, if fate were a true bitch, would
> pull me over later that night and ask if I had
> been drinking. (That didn't happen, but it
> could have... I mean I REEKED.)
> I aimed the bottle and let fly the furies
> buried within that brown bottle of love. The
> beer erupted out and hit her squarely in the
> face (Shut up, Freud), her hair, her ear, her
> clothes, her chest... oh her ample
> white-clothed chest....
> Yeah, I laughed and laughed and laughed. As she
> stomped into the house with her boyfriend (Who
> looked an awful lot like Rocky, mind you -
> that's the guy from Aimesville. not Balboa), I
> laughed some mroe. Then I realized everyone was
> dead silent.
> What else could I do at that point in time but
> quote Mikey - albeit under my breath since the
> windows were open and she was standing next to
> it - "Eh, she wasn't going to fuck me anyway."
> Which caused me to laugh some more.
> All in all, everyone thought I was a big
> asshole about the whole thing, but I see it as
> an eye for an eye. And a hell of a way to bring
> a laugh... at least for me.
> Oh, yeah, here's the neato part. I was sober.
> Imagine that.
> While, no, this wasn't a big deal when you
> think too much about it, but I just wish you
> all had seen the look on that girl's face when
> the beer hit her. It was priceless. And the
> stunned look on everyone else's face...
> marvelous. It was a moment in time that I will
> forever cherish. So, don't be afraid to follow
> that first impulse. Sure, it's probably not the
> socially correct thing to do, but I promise you
> that good or bad it will stand out in your mind
> for a long, long time.
> Besides, she was a prissy little cunt.
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