Vulgarthon Story
By Johny

Left for the 'thon on the day of show at about 7:15 in the morning packed in a crappy Dodge with 3 friends, their mother and some other lady. We had to drop off my friend's Mom and that other lady at work before we could get the car. So we finally do and head off to the 'Thon. Why does Monmouth County have so many White Streets? It's like the people who named the streets ran out of ideas a lot.

After a car ride full of coffee and obscenities we get into Red Bank and try to find a parking spot. We find one by the office, it says 2 HOUR PARKING, we figure they don't enforce that so we decide that's the place to park. We head to the Stash, pick up shirts, let out some of that coffee and go back to the car. We figure, "Hey why don't we leave the car here the whole time?" We are about to and then my friend (god bless him) sees a yellow chalk marking on the car tire. I guess then DO enforce and monitor that sign (I pity that poor policemen who's job is to mark car tires with chalk), so we get back in the car and try to find some parking.

Now, I know the pamphlet said "Parking in Red Bank is a bitch" but I figured it couldn't be THAT bad. Boy, I was one wrong fanboy. Maybe the most memorable thing about that town is the abundance of those 2 HOUR PARKING signs. There is one literally every two feet on the walk. This is frickin' ridiculous. Even the pay lots are 10 hours max and we needed a good 14 hours. We finally park off in East Bumblefunk and walk a few miles to the theater.

We get in line, talk with some people, and wait to get in. We get to the door and we are about 50 people away from Theater 2, I want to be in Theater 2 so I wait on the side as more and more people start to gather with us. During this time Ming was nice enough to tell me the "Vogue Amy" poster I got at the local "art" theater for 7 bucks was worth over 50 (Kevin later confirmed this) that put a smile on my face. I was one of the first 5 people in Theater 2 so I got seats and the proceedings began.

The special guests and VA regulars were really cool and I was really glad to have seen 'Drawing Flies' and 'A Better Place' We got to the dinner break and Vin suggested that we go to "Jade Garden" for all you can eat Chinese buffet. Sounded good to me and the food was. I was surprised that we were the only people in there. So while I'm trying to eat Lynch and his camera crew come in and ambush us. I think "Oh God" because I HATE being in front of a camera and not knowing what to say. I don't even like being in home videos, I'd much rather be holding the camera. So Lynch asks us all a few questions some easy, some harder but anything I said that was more than one or two words probably didn't make any sense. I felt really stupid.

Anyway, so we get back into the Theater watch 2 more flicks and listen to some more Q&A's. I'd have to say that the films I had the best time watching that day were 'A Better Place' and 'Mallrats' ABP was just an awesome flick and I hadn't seen 'Rats' in awhile unlike the other two which I had seen in the last couple weeks (although it was really nice to see 'Amy' without any bad cropping) So we leave the theater a little after 1:30 and head home. The road was so foggy and dark if it wasn't for a car in front of us we might have driven right off the road into the woods.

We get home a little after 3:00 and I go to bed, only to get up for school in less than 4 hours (Thank god I got to catch a nap in science during some dumb video) Even taking the cash I spent, the parking dilemmas and the highway to hell into account I had a great time. Kevin remembering me by my name only having one 'N' in it was pretty cool (and impressed my friends) My only regret is not getting to talk with Brian O^RHalloran and Ethan Suplee, but the place was so damn packed. Oh, and one inside joke for those who sat behind me - Faggothead. Count me in for VulgarThon '99.

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Special Thanks to: Scott Benner and Luke Robinson. Photos "borrowed" from Scott Benner and Luke Robinson.