Posted by Alaina at oshawa-ppp127875.sympatico.ca on January 25, 2004 at 11:23:48:
In Reply to: The Man Who Saw Hell (Short story) posted by Will Turner, Karaoke King on January 25, 2004 at 10:44:47:
I just finished reading your story, and I really liked it! I like to try to give some constructive criticism, so there are just a few things I thought of.
I would have liked to have more insight into John's life or thoughts before this incident. Why was he so willing to go with Moses? Moses said "We can make you whole again." Was John unhappy with his life? Was he just too trusting?
You say that what Moses said gave John a sense of purpose, but I think there's more you could add in there to give people a better understanding of his character.
Other then that, I thoroughly enjoyed it! I liked your descriptions and similes; I thought they were clever and insightful.
Maybe I'll have the nerve to put up one of my stories on here someday.