Posted by Will Turner, Karaoke King at nat0.ucc.ac.uk on January 25, 2004 at 11:36:15:
In Reply to: np. & Let me know how that goes! *nt* posted by Alaina on January 25, 2004 at 11:32:59:
This is my last shot at getting creative writing right. I'm shooting for a 2:1 (A degrre just below a first class degree, achievable if you have no social life and are a cross between Einstien and Da Vinci)
: : Thanks for your comments and don't worry. I'm giving this to a workshop tomorrow and your comments are exactly the sort of constructive criticism I need to get a decent degree. Thanks a lot!
: : : I just finished reading your story, and I really liked it! I like to try to give some constructive criticism, so there are just a few things I thought of.
: : : I would have liked to have more insight into John's life or thoughts before this incident. Why was he so willing to go with Moses? Moses said "We can make you whole again." Was John unhappy with his life? Was he just too trusting?
: : : You say that what Moses said gave John a sense of purpose, but I think there's more you could add in there to give people a better understanding of his character.
: : : Other then that, I thoroughly enjoyed it! I liked your descriptions and similes; I thought they were clever and insightful.
: : : Maybe I'll have the nerve to put up one of my stories on here someday.