Posted by Vlad St. Valentine at nt100702.decal.unt.edu on November 24, 2003 at 13:51:18:
I was having a bad day so I decided to visit thE View Askew Website to
watch some spots of Kevin on Leno. Well I was watching the clip from
the set of Jersey Girl (oh that Affleck) when I saw it. No it wasn't that
lovely picture of Mewes' crack, it was an add for Wizard World Texas! I
knew that this would be my one chance to meet the duo that have caused
so many happy moments in my life (not to mention one really bad one
when I was so into "Mallrats" I said yes to my girlfriend when she asked
if she was getting fat). So scrapping together what little money I had,
being a full-time college student, and went out and bought my ticket to
the Convention for Sun. I also then went out and bought all the Smith
DVD's I didn't already own b/c signing VHS's is lame.
So the day came. I woke up early and arrived to find out Kevin was
signing autographs at 1:30. I then began to inquire as to how I could
meet the man. Then everyone of my fragile dreams was shattered when I was
told that tickets to meet Smith were long gone. I dropped to my knees
in tears spilling my dvd's on the floor, and with fist raised hi I
screamed "DAMN YOU, KHAN!!" I fantically went about trying to find a ticket.
I then found someone who could help me. A person who I thought to be
Matt Damon told me they would give me a ticket for some oral. It turned
out to be Hilary Swank and she was really quite gentle, but I came to
find out she didn't really have a ticket and this boy began to cry.
I then decided it was hopeless and the bast I could do was catch a
glimpse of Kevin and Jason. But upon approaching the area I was stopped
by security and asked for a ticket. When I told them I had none they
called in a code blue. Appearently code blue means- take the fat kid to a
dark room and beat his ass mercilessly until he forgets who even Kevin
Smith is. So the security nerds went at me for hours with those custom
lightsabers they sell at the show, all the while screaming "Who's the
Jedi Master now, BITCH!"
In the end I didn't meet or even see Kevin Smith or Jason Mewes. I
lost my "Clerks", and "Mallrats" DVDs. I did however leave with a
pre-viewed copy of Vulgar signed by my new favorite writer/director Bryan
Johnson.