Posted by GuinnessGuy(poolboy) at balkamp.com on April 17, 2002 at 10:14:04:
In Reply to: Brad Pitts Body posted by ebas420 on April 17, 2002 at 10:05:01:
: Give me you're opinion on this short story...
: I looked from the television to my skinny bare chest. ‘I wish I had Brad Pitt’s body,’ I thought as he kissed some bimbo. I clicked off the television, walked into the bathroom, staring at my pale wiry frame again. Oh well. Sandi didn’t seem to mind, and it wouldn’t be worth the work anyway. I shaved and drew the curtain back to step in the shower.
: The breath caught in my throat. Usually my tub is clean-Sandi keeps on me so I clean it on a semi regular basis-but this wasn’t soap scum. This was a naked man lying face down in my tub, which was also half full of ice. Now, I guess it was the shock, but the first thing I did was put my pants back on. Call me crazy, call me homophobic, but my idea of fun does not include being caught naked with corpse.
: How did I know it was a corpse? Well, who else would lie motionless in a tub full of ice?
: I buckled my belt and kneeled next to the tub.
: “Hey,” I called, which seems strange now, but what do you want? It wasn’t even nine am and I had a dead body in my tub, with no idea how it got there.
: In the living room the television clicked on, and again I thought of my girlfriend…then remembered she had slept at her place last night.
: “Sandi?” Again, facetious, but today was shaping out to be pretty fucking strange. I stood and walked into the living room on legs made of shaking rubber.
: Jennifer Anniston was on the screen, crying. “I…I don’t know! We were having dinner and he just got up and went to the bathroom, and he never came back!”
: Back to the reporter: “Tom, we now have confirmation from Ms. Anniston that her husband actor Brad Pitt has been missing for at least forty-eight hours. Police are looking for this man for questioning.”
: I saw my picture fill the screen and my blood ran cold, I could literally feel the temperature of my body change as my heart pumped much too fast. I ran to the bathroom and again kneeled by the tub. Motionless. The skin was turning gray. I grabbed one well-sculpted arm, closed my eyes, and pulled. When I opened them, I was indeed staring into Brad Pitt’s face. ‘Not so dreamy now, are we?’ I thought and turned to the toilet to puke.
: There was a knock on my door: “Mr. Randolph? Mr. Ebin Randolph? This is the Los Angeles Police Department, and I suggest you open the door.”
: I didn’t. They did, opened it right off the hinges and came in like gangbusters. One look at the body in my tub, I was hung for life. “Happy Halloween, kid,” the cop said as he cuffed me.
: That was a year ago, and they still say they can’t figure out how I did it. Believe me if I knew, I would tell them.
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