More than 20 questions with Ethan Suplee

Questions by Chris Parry

Whats the best piece of gossip you ever heard about yourself?

Ethan: That I was Leo's bodyguard.

Have you ever wanted to punch a director?

Ethan: Yes I have, but I can't say who. I might want to work for him again. Nobody Askew.

When was the last time you were naked in the open air?

Ethan: I don't know but it's been a looong time. I mean so long that I can't even remember. Maybe when I was five or so.

What's a good cure for hangovers?

Ethan: Lot's of water before bed and a bloody mary in the morning.

Tell us about your first kiss...

Ethan: The first time was with this girl called Becky. We played doctor and I anally examined her with the cap of a ballpoint pen, then we kissed in the closet. Romantic, huh?

What's your favorite pick-up line?

Ethan: "Wanna fuck?"

Where do you go when you die?

Ethan: A large vicious recycling plant

What's the worst smell in the world?

Ethan: Female rotten crotch.

How many people have you dated ever?

Ethan: Countless times I've taken a girl out, many times I've gotten to first-base and a handful I've slept with.

Are guys just stupid? Or what?

Ethan: Guys are driven by a different force than girls. Girls know this and use it against us, they're more calculating.

Who do you most want to punch in the head?

Ethan: The kid from "Fathers Day".

On the bottom or on the top?

Ethan: Depends, if she's a clit girl, bottom, if she's all about the cervyx, top - when in doubt, go behind.

Have you ever been in love? And did you nail her?

Ethan: Yes, but she turned out to be a louse

Why are the French such boneheads?

Ethan: Years of bad dentistry.

What's the worst three films of all time?

Ethan: Gregg Araki's flicks. "Totally Fucked Up", "Doom Generation" and "Nowhere".

What's your favorite vice?

Ethan: Cigarettes

What's your favorite sin?

Ethan: Lust

Who's your favorite Marx Brother?

Ethan: Groucho

Do you want fries with that?

Ethan: Negative, too many carbohydrates

Alcohol of choice?

Ethan: Gin's good.

The TV show you watch but never tell anyone you enjoy?

Ethan: The Real World on MTV

The movie you wish you'd worked on?

Ethan: Once Upon A Time In America

The movie you wished you'd passed on?

Ethan: Dante's View.

If you were in a band, what would you play?

Ethan: Trumpet

Do you vote?

Ethan: Negatory.

What's the fastest you have driven?

Ethan: 160 MPH - Chevy Impala, baby!

What is the most depraved act you have ever been privy to?

Ethan: No comment. But it was in a bar in Japan.

Interviews Askew