NEW YORK — There may be no bigger comics fan in Hollywood than “Clerks” director Kevin Smith — after all, he’s the only director known for actually writing comic books.

So when not-so-Silent Bob showed up to speak for two hours at the inaugural New York Comic-Con this past weekend at the Jacob K. Javits Center, he was treated more like a god than a geek, and he rewarded the audience with candid insight into his creative process, as well as a lot of dirty jokes.

For instance, the reason Smith doesn’t want to direct a comic book movie, as he was once in line to do with “Green Hornet”? He thinks shooting action is boring, and it’s better suited to those who love it. “Sam Raimi does more cool sh– in two minutes in ‘Spider-Man’ than I’ve done in seven movies,” he conceded.

Smith’s version of a superhero movie would feature something “simple and straightforward” like this: Green Hornet and his sidekick, Kato, are leaning against the Black Beauty in a two-shot, standing around asking each other about what they did the night before and going off on tangents such as, “The funny thing about ‘Star Wars’ and sex is …” Then Kato would hear some trouble and they’d walk out of the frame, while the shot would hold on the car. Then, after some sound effects, they’d walk back in the frame, wipe themselves off, and go back to leaning and say something like, “So, yes, I did get some [action] last night.”

“Nobody wants to give you $70 million to make that,” Smith said.

Plus, Smith would want to dispense with the metaphors of some superheroes and their sidekicks, most notably the gay subtext of “Batman” and “X-Men,” and just bring it out full-force, something that mainstream America might not be ready to accept, he pointed out. “The whole movie is an allegory of what it’s like to be gay,” he said. “You take the word ‘mutant’ out and stick ‘gay’ in there and the movie still works. I dig that, it’s taking a mainstream movie and putting a positive message in it, a message of tolerance. It’s ‘Brokeback Mutant.’ I just want to go up to kids and say, ‘You like Wolverine? That means you’re gay.’ ”

And since Bryan Singer, the man behind “X-Men,” is directing the new “Superman,” Smith said, it’ll be more of the same. “Never mind Lois Lane and Clark Kent,” he said. “I’m looking at the relationship between Clark Kent and Jimmy Olsen. Lois says, ‘I love you,’ and Clark says, ‘That’s great. So, Jimmy …’ ”

There’s another kind of film Smith doesn’t plan on making anytime soon — one about religion. Smith said he’d love to do a “Dogma 2,” but you can’t do that without talking about Islam these days, “and after watching what happened with the cartoons, I want to say nothing about Muhammad except that’s he’s really cool guy. … And I don’t have a picture or drawing of him.”

So, Smith said, he’s going to keep telling the same kinds of stories he always does, “and put Jay and Bob in them” (see “Kevin Smith Vows ‘Clerks 2′ Language, Content Ups The Ante Of The Original ‘A Hundredfold’ “).

“I’ve learned absolutely nothing, except not to make any more movies with Bennifer,” he said. “I think I’ve learned to tell a better visual story, but I haven’t really walked away with that much insight over the past 12 years. But I’ve stayed true to telling the kinds of stories me and my friends would get. And I’m lucky to be getting away with it.”

“Clerks 2″ is also not going to reference Smith’s previous films that heavily. “It’s not rife with references to everything that’s come before in the View Askew-verse,” Smith said. “Dante’s not walking around saying, ‘I’m still not even supposed to be here today,’ or anything like that.”

Meanwhile, Smith has detached himself from another project, a “Brave and the Bold” film for DC Comics. “I’ve decided, based on my inability to produce a script on time, that I should never go near a comic book again,” he joked.

As for the convention, Smith did have one complaint: Too many guys and not enough girls attend comic book gatherings, making it difficult to exploit his celebrity status. “Ben Affleck tells me stories about girls who come up to him in restaurants, ‘Take me home with you.’ That never happens to me. It’s always a bunch of guys going, ‘Are you doing “Green Hornet” or not?’ or ‘Where’s “Spider-Man/Black Cat”? You got to issue three and you stopped because you were doing “Jersey Girl,” and then that came out and it bombed and you stopped! That’s irresponsible to take a job and not finish it! How hard is it to write a comic book? Give it to me and I’ll write it. I’ll draw it too. Where’s “Spider-Man/Black Cat”?’ ”

“I had to finish the series just to walk out on a Comic-Con floor,” Smith said. “I was proud of myself. I thought I was safe to walk around, but now it’s all, ‘Where’s “Daredevil: Target”?’ It’ll never end.”

“You know what, Kevin? I’d [go home with] you,” one female fan said in response during the marathon Q&A session. “But I just finished ‘Spider-Man/Black Cat,’ and that’s the best ‘Spider-Man’ ever, and I’m just wondering … where is ‘Daredevil: Target’?”

“Isn’t that just like a girl?” Smith laughed.

Visit Movies on MTV.com for more from Hollywood, including news, interviews, trailers and more.

— Jennifer Vineyard

---