TO KEVIN SMITH, A MAN WHO MAY NOT BE GOD, BUT A MAN WHO HAS GOD IN HIS NEXT MOVIE

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: Hi Kevin. I have taken some time to write up for you some theories concerning some films of yours and ideas that I just want you to hear. You may reply, as always, saying whatever you feel about them. : MY "CHASING AMY" THEORY : I've had a theory about "Amy" for the longest time and I feel now is time for it to 'come out of the closet', because I have heard no mention of it from anybody. I think Hooper is the cause of Holden's hurt when he realizes Alyssa is gay, and is also the cause of Holden and Banky's break-up. And I feel that Hooper did it all on purpose. : The scene at the meow mix: Hooper was about to tell Holden that Alyssa is gay, but doesn't, after Holden tells Hopper that if she didn't have a boyfriend "then what's to know?" Why doesn't Hooper speak up? I think it is because Holden seemed so arrogent about winning over Alyssa, that it pissed Hooper off. Soon after Holden and Hooper's exchange, Banky arrogently says to Hooper, "wow, there are a lot of chicks here", and Hooper replies with disapointment, "you are such a man". This must be the same thought and reaction Hooper had about Holden's arrogance. : The scene at the record store, Hooper revials some of his anger towards Banky to Holden. Hooper explains that he thinks Banky is homophobic, but then says that Banky loves Holden in a "way he (Banky) ain't ready to deal with". Hooper is basicly telling Holden that Banky is gay, but why is he telling this? Hooper knows Banky is against the relationship because Alyssa is gay, so why? I think it is because Hooper hates Banky because he is homophobic, and feels that saying Banky is in love with Holden will end B @ H's friendship, leaving Banky out of the picture. How could saying that remark end the friendship? Either Holden would hide the remark inside and feel very uncomfortable around Banky, or he will tell Banky, who would possably react by feeling uncomfortable and outraged by the accuastion. Either way, the friendship is doomed, compliments of Hooper. : What are your thoughts on Hooper's actions in the film? : : MY "JEDI" THEORY/"CLERKS" SEQUAL JOKE IDEA: : I've have a theory about "Return Of The Jedi" that would be very funny as another theory of Randal's for the "Clerks" sequal. In "Jedi" there is a scene where, I think, Princess Leia almost gets rapped by a storm trooper. : The scene is where Leia meets the ewok for the first time. The ewok scenses danger and hides, but Leia doesn't and is caught by two storm troopers. Lets call the storm troopers #1 and #2 (how clever). #1 has a gun at Leia's head, while #2 awaits a couple of yards away for orders, or something. #1 orders #2 to go back to the base, while #1 stays there with Liea. Why doesn't #1 tell #2 to come back with reenforcements, or something? Well, in my opinion, #1 didn't want to arrest Leia, but wanted to have his way with her. If it weren't for the ewok distracting #1 soon later, I'm sure #1 would have used his force on Leia. Plus, when Leia nails #1 over the head with a branch, she yells NO!, the word always emphesised in woman's 'how to avoid being attacked' classes. : Look at the scene for yourself. It may not sound likely, coming from my mouth, but the scene is played out in an stangely eerie way for a "Star Wars" flick. : I think that much can be said to validate Randal's/my theory about the "Jedi" scene. Randal can talk about how the screenwriter, Lawrance Kasdan, probably got bored writing "Star Wars" flicks after doing "Body Heat", that he decided to add sexual intensity to "Jedi". Instead of making Leia a fiercely powerful woman, Kasdan turns her into a girltoy. Case in point: the Jabba The Hut scene where Leia is wearing a golden bikini and a choke chain (which is pulled be Jabba several times). You can have a customer who's a hard core feminest or an ACLU radical get in on Randal's opinion and give her two cents. This scene could be just as hysterical as the original "Jedi" theory of Randal's in "Clerks". A sequal always has running jokes from the original, so why not have one of them be skewed theories of "Jedi". : : ONE LAST IDEA, THEN I'M GONE: : I thought up an idea for a future MTV special that has to do with what you say is everybody's favorite part of "Clerks". The show is kind of like "The Grind", though it takes place at Jay and Silent Bob's favorite club. It feature our two anti-heros hanging out and dancing. Jay can diss other dancers and hit on women, while Silent Bob can.... : I'd call the show "JAY AND SILENT BOB'S 'SNOOCHIE BOOCHIE BOOGIE'". "The Grind" ain't got shit on this show! : : Thanks for reading, : Joseph Brunetta : P.S. thanks for answering my question about film editing. Film editing is my favorite part of the filmmaking process, and it is really rare that filmmakers talk about editing. Thanks a bunch! : : : :

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