Not so much worried....

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Posted by Jami at on May 05, 2004 at 11:09:17:

In Reply to: If you worry about the PC crowd THAT much ... posted by rcpweiner on May 05, 2004 at 11:03:39:

as it is too early to deal with them.

I had an idea for a comical murder mystery play about the politically correct - I came up with a plot and characters - but I can't write. So I just wrote up my idea and have been hoping someone would want to take the idea and write it up. Here, I'll share it with all of you since I don't care about getting money or credit for it - just seeing it done.

A Politically Correct Murder Mystery


Jenkins: Age 40+ The butler. He’s a black man who was born and raised in London, England. He’s the sanity that holds the entire household together. He’s got his green card and is about to have a nervous breakdown.

David Light: Age 50+ The head of the home. A extremely rich man with no real purpose in life. He’s always cheerful and yet still takes what he thinks is Prozac but in reality is just sugar pills.

Elaina Light: Age 45+ David’s wife. Also born to riches. A graceful woman without a care in the world. So she makes them up. Has had many plastic surgeries so she looks a little plastic all the time.

Robert Light: Age late 20s to mid 30s. The oldest son. He is in reality, gay, but was born during a time when it was in style to have straight children. So he pretends to be straight and is even married.

Sarah Light: Mid 20s to early 30s. Robert’s wife. The poor put upon wife and mother of four. Is about to run off with her kids cause she’s so sick of this act.

Michael Light: Mid 20s to early 30s. The younger brother. He’s straight, but was born and raised when it was cool to have gay children. So he pretends to be gay. In reality he’s sleeping with Sarah and is the real father of her four children.

Rupert Jones: Late 30s. African-American, built like Wesley Snipes. He’s a chemist but pretends to be a failing actor. He’s actually sleeping with Robert but puts up with this act of sleeping with Michael in order to be with the man he loves. He’s an Armani suits kind of guy but is forced to wear stereotypical “gay” clothing - bike shorts with no underwear and so tight you can see everything, rainbow colored shirts, etc.

Rachael Light: Late teens, early 20s. The youngest child. In order to break free from the insanity she joined a cult. But unfortunately it’s the in thing to have a kid in a cult.

Sunny Day: Late 40s. Rachael’s cult leader boyfriend. A displaced hippie. Has fried a few brain cells.

Natalie Light: 16, cheerleader and looks like it, but for the duration of the play she’s forced to dress goth. She shows her disgust in every movement.

Tawny Light: 14, she’s the goth one, but is forced to dress like a cheerleader. She’s obviously pissed off.

Nathan Light: 12, an actor at heart. Pretends to have ADD and loves playing it up. Also highly intelligent.

Charles Light: Infant. Cries a lot.

Sheriff Love: Age unknown, a strange mixture between Barry White and Sherlock Holmes. Thinks the entire family is nuts.

Others: Gardener, maid, cook. Any age, ethnic group, looks.

Plot summery:

As I’m sure I’ll never have the courage to write this play I’m going to write out the plot in hopes someday, someone, somewhere will take what I’ve left and turn it into a play.

The basic idea is to make a murder mystery/comedy poking fun at the politically correct culture. The mother and father go to incredible lengths to remain in style. They have a walk in closet full of pet rocks, for example, and they all have names. Everything they do or say is because it’s in style. The mother, who’s never had implants in her life, has at some point went from having DD sized breasts to being practically flat chested. She insists on people saying that she had her implants removed because “If the neighbors ever found out they were real breasts they will never let me live it down.” They have gone thru every religion and right now are considering becoming Jewish simply because they feel it’s the next trend. They’ve had lovers just because it was the in thing to do.

They get together during a holiday like Yom Kipper or Thanksgiving. During this get together Sunny Day is murdered. What comes next is a bunch of hilarity all because of the parents who want to be PC. We already get the idea of how far they’ll go when they always refer to Jenkins as their “African-British Naturalized American Citizen Butlering Type Person.” This tile grows every time they call him until he explodes into a rage and screams “Bloody hell you twits! I’m BLACK!” There’s confusion at first with the death of Sunny when they keep referring to him as “Life impaired” and “breathing disabled.” There’s insanity as lovers switch places, the children letting the wrong phrases slip, and when Nathan’s sugar pills disguised as Ritalin (at his request) get mixed up with grandpa’s phony Prozac. Finally Sheriff Love reveals all - much to the elder Light’s delight, because they can now say that their family is dysfunctional.

As for the killer - much to their disgust, the cook did it because Sunny kept preaching to her the benefits of a vegetarian life style. The cook is a meat eater and proud of it. She also doesn’t like to be preached to by anyone. Let alone a psycho vegetarian. (The Lights were hoping the butler did it. It would make them the envy of everyone, don’t you know?)

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