*phew!* That was a tough birth...

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Posted by Kevin at adsl-64-167-89-19.dsl.lsan03.pacbell.net on March 26, 2004 at 10:37:39:

Today's the day. Took us awhile to get here (all of us; you guys too), and months of delivery
crisis after delivery crisis (and other cliche' child-bearing metaphors), the kid's out there.
Underweight, and a bit traumatized, but out there, finally.

Thanks for the continued support, folks. Like I've said, I make these flicks for myself first,
then you folks right after me. And I mean YOU folks - the board folks. I mean, that's the
audience to me, really. You're not a nebulous, faceless mass; I've met most of you. I
recognize your names when we run into one another at Q&A's and whatnot. I said in some
interview lately (forgive me; most of them are a blur at this point) that I feel like I've met
every supporter of our stuff, thanks to the low ceiling on the box office we've had. And
while that's probably not plausible, I don't know any other way to describe how integral you
guys are to my process. The wife wasn't bullshitting the other day in her post: I get up and
head straight to the board. When we're watching TV at night, I'm on the board. You guys
are the fuel that keeps me going. Passion will only take a brother so far (particularly when it
feels like the fates are trying to fuck him with a massive, glass dildo); a kind word from
extended family will put him across the finish line. So many thanks for the copious kind
words along the way.

Christ, this was tough. It wasn't "Dogma" tough (my life didn't get threatened this time
around), but it was close. The Uphill Bennifer Battle was pretty daunting, but I think we may
have gotten over that hump. Then, just when I thought it was safe to go back in the water,
the long, sharp critical knives come out. I almost forgot how much critics hate sentiment
(almost; I'm WELL reminded this morning, believe me). When all's said and done, I may be
facing down the harshest reviews we've gotten since "Mallrats" (and I DO say "I"; at this point
in the process, the bucks stops at me, and I'm the one in the crosshairs; those reviews don't
read "Smith and Co. went soft and cliche'..." - they read "Smith went soft and cliche'..."). But
to borrow a metaphor from an insanely successful movie (ripped from eons-old, powerful
source material), you guys are my Simon of Cyrene. I'll reach Golgotha because you folks
have helped shoulder the burden.

And you haven't been alone. Mosier - dear, sweet Mosier - has been there for me, as
always. Phil Benson, John Pierson, Jon Gordon, Janet Maslin, John Sloss, Phil Raskind, Harvey
Weinstein, Amanda Lundberg, Liz Berger, Tony Angellotti, Gail and Byron Stanley, Bryan
Johnson, Walt Flanagan (who, shockingly, loved the movie), Malky Ingram, Mewes, Chris
Ryall, Bob Chapman, Don & Jerry, Mom & even good ol', dearly-departed Dad have been
there for support when I've needed it the most. The kid? Well, she's never been secretive
about how much she'd rather see "Scooby Doo 2." It's cool. When she's older, she'll
appreciate Dad's love letter.

But the true, un-sung hero in all of this... the gorgeous chick riding shotgun who's suffered
through the ups and downs of what became a two year plus cluster-fuck of agony and
ecstasy... has always been Jen. She was the first to read the fever-pitch-born fifty pages
back in 1999/2000, so if there's anyone who's lived this flick as hard and long as I have, it's
my one true; my Super-Pal. She's the constant in a world of heart-breaking inconsistencies.
I love her more than peanut butter (and look at me: you can TELL how much I love peanut
butter).

So today we'll get to see if Lady Box Office agrees with my perception of fatherhood. I won't
lie: I'm praying to The Christ that this picture's got legs. I'm hoping that word of mouth
spreads like wild fire (because the lion's share of the critics aren't helping much, I'll tell ya').
But far more than that, I'm counting on the fact that - like "Clerks" - ten years from now,
this flick still means something to folks who re-watch it, or check it out for the first time.
Making movies for the box office is a fool's errand; longevity is the key. After a decade of
doing this, that becomes clear. It may be called "show business", but I'm all about the
former, and less about the latter. In this brave, new world of multiple revenue streams,
making money's a foregone conclusion (particularly when you work as cheaply - yes,
amazingly, in this day and age, thirty five million is considered cheap - as I do. Making 'em
laugh and making 'em feel? That's the rare commodity that keeps me in Vans and custom
basketball shooters.

Go out and see the flick this weekend. Take a hundred friends (or at least one). Then, go
home and get laid. That's my plan.

And then, Monday morning, it's back to the drawing board for me, Wile E. Coyote style. Get
ready for rounds Seven and Eight (oooo, wait'll you see what I've got up my sleeve...).


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