Kev - hopefully you'll see this - I'm a day late..

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Posted by CATIE at on January 19, 2004 at 14:17:38:

In Reply to: Re: Good morning Kevin, from soggy NJ posted by Kevin on January 18, 2004 at 08:17:15:

Only wish I'd given him a shout-out from the stage that day.

Kevin- I really hope you see this and it makes a difference for you. I lost my father in Sept 2002. It was the most horrific and terrifying events of my entire life. Besides being destroyed because my Daddy was gone, I was so stuck on the should haves and could haves that I couldn't move on.

Ya see, I hate my job, HATE IT. I have had it for three years. About once ever two - three months it gets sooo bad here, I breakdown and cry. When my fookers, I mean bosses, go to lunch, I would call down South Carolina to cry to my Mom. (Im in NJ) Well, that Sept, after I called and talked to my Mom, she made my dad call me back because I was so upset, she couldn't get me to calm down.

My Dad calmed me down, immediately, he always could. We talked for just a few minutes. He made me promise I wouldn't quit until I found something better, then he changed the subject to the family reunion they were having down there. He was going to pick up his aunt at the airport. I was mad at his family for not inviting my generation to the reunion. Just the old fogies, my father would say. Anyway, I always hang up the phone with my family by saying "Love you, bye". That day I didn't do it. I told my father to go pick up his stupid aunt and to tell the rest of the family clan I said "Phbbbbblsssttt" I blew a rasberry into the phone, and he hung up, chuckling.

He died the next morning. Imagine my horror, the last thing I ever said to my Dad was Phbbblsssstttt! So, please don't beat yourself up over what you could have or should have done differently. I didn't know that was the last day I would have to talk to my dad, you didn't know that was the last Q & A your dad would be at. Finally, I am able to realize that my dad knew I loved him even if I didn't say it that last time. I hope you find that peace too.

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