Kiss my crapper

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: Honestly since nobody cares, I'll post another. : This one got Lynch very angry, as he thought I had stolen his material for my column, where, in fact, I had not read whatever the hell it was that he wrote. And furthermore, how could I steal his material if other people were involved in the creation of this piece of literary treasure? Big drama, but I still like the column. : "The snake behind me hisses, what my damage could have been." : The Box : I looked at the hit counter on this site when I was in a state of hazy... haze. It was 3:09 am. : I looked at the hit counter, and knew a higher number was its destiny. I needed to push for that number to grow. I needed to spread the word of the glory of TAC. : I needed to promote in chat rooms. : Catering to the apparent demographic this site is directed towards (considering the columns by Mr. Apple, Tom, and SHAFTR), I entered Gay_Males_Room_4_Men and "set up shop". Going into this, I knew I needed to draw much attention to myself to promote this properly... I shall let you read. : sAm: You want to know a seeeecret? : JoshSNet: yeah : sAm: www.theaskewcrapper.com is downright nifty. : I then got no response for about a minute. They had ignored the Word. www.theaskewcrapper.com IS downright nifty, goddamnit, and they were going to know it! : sAm: I think www.theaskewcrapper.com is the only site on the web that actually wiggles it's cute, little body. : Still. They turn away. : sAm: It's a site : sAm: On the web, no less. : sAm: If you feel like dancing with latinos... Everyone here goes to www.theaskewcrapper.com : I assume they were cybering some non-nifty thing, and purposely ignoring how nifty the Crapper is. I needed to relate. : sAm: did someone say anal sex, or did someone say www.theaskewcrapper.com? : stonerdude21: grabs shotgun and shoots sAm : sAm: www.theaskewcrapper.com is like a bullet to the brain. : sAm: A very queer bullet. : This is when they start in. : Beefy207: bah! : Can you fucking believe that? To me! : sAm: all I'm saying is that if your thing is hot, gay love and vice versa, your thing is www.theaskewcrapper.com : Imakepoo: Don't post links unless you see a host. : sAm: A ghost? : Imakepoo: a host : sAm: A lampshade? : Imakepoo: Shut up or I will kick u. : sAm: A young black male named Timmy turned twenty-three today? : At his point, I got kicked out of the room... But as luck would have it, I was allowed to re-enter Gay_Males, and atone for what I've done. : sAm: I'm sorry : Imakepoo: ty : sAm: Sorry that www.theaskewcrapper.com is so GREAT AND GAY! : Again, I was booted. After several other gay chats kicked me out (7 of them being chats for transsexual... Shows you how tame THEY can be, eh?), I decided to try my hand in a strange new site called "Islam Chat". I shall transcribe uninterrupted, due to homophobic outbursts of people who deep don really wish to know the Crapper in a domestic and attractive way. : sAm: Islam! Woo Hoo! : HORRENDO: what is ur age? : sAm: Do you enjoy content in webpages, HORRENDO? : HORRENDO: Umm... yea : sAm: So then would you also go as far as to say that you enjoy content in webpages? : HORRENDO: Umm... YEA! : sAm: You need not be ashamed. : HORRENDO: WTF you talking bout?! I make an honest living! I aint ashamed, my momma aint ashamed!! You talk about content?? Attitude aint good. : sAm: You know something, HORRENDO? : HORRENDO: ? : sAm: www.theaskewcrapper.com : HORRENDO: ? : sAm: I believe it wishes to become an Islamic deity. Will you kiss it? ... : sAm: And quiver your lip ever so gently. : HORRENDO: fag : sAm: If you like 'em Islamic, militant, and more gay than a zebra-pattern couch, www.theaskewcrapper.com is for you. : HORRENDO: Brothers are not gay, fagit. : sAm: Tell that to the Globetrotters. : HORRENDO: THEY WAS AMERICAN! : sAm: Yeah, exactly... : sAm: American BALL-HANDLERS! : sAm: Do you have cable? It's running... to www.theaskewcrapper.com : I was then kicked out by the chat server itself, which informed me that my tolerance for such banter had also worn mighty thin. After each of my public displays, in each one of the rooms packed with 50 or more people, I checked TAC's hit counter one last time. : It had fifteen more hits than before. : My six hours of promotion had not been in vain after all. I paid my respects to the bitch that is The Askew Crapper, and I trust that I will be rewarded for my efforts. : ****NEXT WEEK**** : I help rebuild the Crapper after several PC groups took place in the "Distrizzle of the Crapizzle", as Dan Rather so eloquently put it. : SL : : -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- :

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