Posted by Will Turner, Karaoke King at nat0.ucc.ac.uk on October 20, 2003 at 06:40:14:
if Kevin wants to comment that'd be a bonus, but this is strictly an opinion thing!
Flowers Robert William Turner
1. INT- FLOWER SHOP
A card reads “Bamboo is the symbol of durability”. Cut to STEVE (middle aged) and MIKE(twenties) arranging a wreath that reads “Fu” and “Of”. Mike is about to start the “C”.
MIKE
That’s the second “fuck off” we’ve had in two days. Someone’s a real born romantic, eh? (Pause) It’s Dave again, isn’t it Steve? What a wanker.
STEVE
Ours is not to reason why, ours is just to do or die.
MIKE
I’m just saying this is bloody stupid. What, he’s going to lay this by her grave?
Steve looks at Mike and shakes his head.
STEVE
Mike, we all send messages with flowers, however subtle.
MIKE
Or in this case, the message is not subtle whatsoever.
Steve turns away from Mike.
STEVE
You’ve got a lot to learn, Mike.
MIKE
Thank you, Master Yoda.
Steve looks at his clock. It reads “5.30”.
STEVE
Closing time…Oh, I hear you’ve got that big date. Here.
Hands him a single red rose.
MIKE
Ooh, monsieur Ambassador, you are really spoiling us!
Steve laughs as Mike walks out the shop, but the laugh sounds increasingly bitter.
2. INT- OFFICE
A card reads “The oak is a symbol of power”. Cut to a calendar with a picture of an oak on it. The 28th October is circled, with various arrows pointed to it. BRIAN writes ANNIVERSARY in unsubtle letters.
BRIAN
Must not forget, must not forget, must not forget.
Brian gets out his mobile and writes “Do not forget anniversary” on his reminders, setting it for the day itself.
His secretary enters.
SECRETARY
David Clark is here as you requested, sir.
BRIAN
Good. (Pause) Go on, what do you want, a tip?
The secretary exits, gritting her teeth and her hands firmly in her pockets.
SECRETARY (mutters)
I’ll tip you, you moody sod.
Enter Dave. Although wearing a neat suit, he slouches when shown to his chair.
BRIAN
I have been meaning to talk to you, David.
DAVE
It’s Dave, Brian, Dave.
BRIAN
See, this is the attitude I am talking about. You see yourself as a big fish in a small pond. This would be fine if you were getting results, but frankly you have been coasting. Everyone has targets…
DAVE
And I’ve met them.
BRIAN
Don’t interrupt, you impertinent little shit! Yes, you have met them, but frankly your performance has not improved. In this world, Dave, there is no such thing as a job for life. Anyone who doesn’t shape up will be shipped out.
Dave yawns, clearly bored by Brian’s speech.
DAVE
If you want to sack me, do it. but at least show some fucking balls. This isn’t imperial Rome and you sure as hell aren’t Caesar, you fat bastard.
Brian grabs Dave.
BRIAN
And you think you’re James fucking Dean? Well, I’ve got news for you, I don’t find your rebel act charming. And I won’t sack you, as I know you’ll just drink yourself to death if left alone.
He pauses to adjust his tie. He adopts a more official tone.
BRIAN (official)
David Clark, you have officially been warned.
Dave walks out, smiling. He then walks back in.
DAVE
And this is officially my notice.
He sticks his middle finger up and walks out the office. Everyone claps.
BRIAN
Alright, you’ve given baby his attention. Now get back to work!
Brian slams his office door. Everyone shudders for a minute and then carries on working.
3. EXT- OFFICE
JANE, a well dressed twenty-something, is waiting for Dave outside the office. The two lock eyes and kiss.
DAVE
Still on that training course, eh?
Jane grins.
JANE
For the next two days. A whirlwind of lectures, seminars and…practical exercises.
The pair laugh as they run down the street. Brian runs in the opposite direction towards the flower shop.
BRIAN (interior monologue)
Mustn’t look like an idiot, must make a truly grand gesture. Must be romantic. Must get Steve to write the note.
4. INT- BRIAN’S BEDROOM
A card reads “The dahlia is a symbol of extravagance”. Off screen, we hear Brian snoring. He is on his own in a spacious double bed. He is jolted up by his ringing phone. He reads the reminder on screen “Pick up Jane’s flowers”
BRIAN
Oh shit!
He bundles on clothes and runs downstairs. He grabs a carton of juice and rushes out the door with an obvious look of panic.
5. INT- DAVE’S BEDROOM
Dave grins in bed. He looks across at Jane, who is just finishing getting dressed.
DAVE
Just say you were caught in traffic.
JANE
I’m already a day late from exhaustion, any longer and he’ll have me booked in a stress clinic.
He gives her a puppy dog look.
JANE
Sorry, Dave. I’ve got to visit my mother today.
DAVE
No, you don’t.
JANE
Seriously, I have to. Bobby gave her his one visit a year and suddenly he’s the new Messiah. If I don’t go I’m going to get the head biting of a lifetime, I know it.
Dave goes to his beside drawer and pulls out a bottle of whisky.
JANE
Don’t be like that.
DAVE
No, I’m fine. Fuck off. Maybe you can announce your affair with tea and French fancies.
Jane walks out. Dave sits, glaring at his drink. He walks out of his door, slamming it. We remained focused on the empty bottle, and then hear a woman scream.
6. INT- BRIAN’S KITCHEN
Jane walks into the house. She sees Brian’s bunch of flowers. “To my darling wife, these flowers are nothing compared to my love for you. Happy Anniversary.” Enter Brian, smiling.
JANE
They’re…beautiful.
BRIAN
Five years. And I love you just as much as the day we first met.
He hugs her. Jane cries.
BRIAN
It’s alright, it’s alright.
JANE
No, it’s not. I’m visiting mother today and I completely forgot!
Brian looks at her. She looks away. Brian laughs.
JANE
What’s so bloody funny?
BRIAN
Can I make a confession?
JANE
Go ahead.
BRIAN
I nearly forgot too!
Jane smiles half-heartedly.
BRIAN
You visit your mother, and we’ll go out for dinner tonight.
Brian hugs Jane. He sniffs her hair and snarls.
BRIAN
Dave!
7. INT- FLOWER SHOP
The card reads “The water lily is a symbol of rest”. The clock in the flower shop reads “11am”. Steve glares at Dave.
STEVE
I reserve the right not to serve.
DAVE
Steve, it’s just a joke.
STEVE
Mildred is one of my best costumers and I won’t let you mess her about. For Christ’s sake, she’s an old lady. Haven’t you done enough damage?
Dave looks at Steve.
DAVE
Everyone does damage, Steve. And if you don’t do this for me, I will take this rose and shove it up your arsehole…thorns first.
He demonstrates the action with a nearby rose. Steve raises an eyebrow.
STEVE
God, Dave, you’re a real gentleman. Some day you’ll make a great husband.
DAVE
And some day you might grow testicles. Now are you going to help me or not?
STEVE
Fine, but seeing as this is a custom job, I will have to charge you extra.
DAVE
Suits me.
Dave walks out. Enter Mike, depressed.
STEVE
I dread to ask, but how did your date go?
MIKE
The same as all my other dates went.
Mike is shown giving flowers to girls, who slap him to the tune of “The William Tell Overture.”
STEVE
You’re a good guy. Maybe you just…
MIKE (interrupting)
…Haven’t found the right girl yet?
Steve turns away again.
STEVE
Something like that.
He pauses, hoping Mike didn’t hear.
STEVE
Anyway, here’s the big one for today.
Mike raises an eyebrow.
MIKE
That’s…interesting. Let me guess, birthday?
STEVE
It’s an apology, apparently.
8. EXT- MILDRED’S GARDEN
Mildred’s garden is filled with flowers, all colour co-ordinated. Dave jumps over her fence and tears the flowers out. From inside a neat looking house, we hear Mildred scream. As he eats a clump of bluebells, Mildred looms over him.
MILDRED
What in the name of God’s green Earth do you think you are doing?
Dave spits out the bluebells.
DAVE (sarcastic)
I’m looking for my ball, miss.
MILDRED
You despicable shit! My Bobby will be round in a minute. My Bobby, he’s a good boy…
DAVE
Bobby? So you’re Jane’s mum, are you?
MILDRED
Yes, how do you know?
Dave pauses and grins.
DAVE
I’m having an affair with her. She’s a heck of a ride, your daughter. She had to leave early to see you, so it left me with a lot of frustration and left over energy.
He leers at her for a second, then runs off. He then runs back and peeps over the fence.
DAVE
Oh, and I’ve had Bobby too! He was crap!
He runs off, laughing. Jane walk into the garden and looks around. She puts her arm around Mildred, who slaps her down.
MILDRED
Dave told me what you did.
JANE
Did what?
MILDRED
He said you had an affair with him.
JANE
And then he said Bobby was gay, right?
MILDRED (angry tears)
Yes.
Jane laughs.
JANE
Mother, you are so naïve. This is the kind of thing Dave does. He hit on me once, I turned him down and he resents me for it. I’ll get him to apologise and re-plant your garden.
MILDRED
He had better. I had it set in perfect visual harmony. But some good bulbs will do for now, I suppose. Bobby would have sorted him out.
Jane grits her teeth.
JANE
Yes mother, he would.
Jane’s phone rings. She cracks her knuckles.
JANE
I told you, call me in half an hour. Is your half an hour different to mine? Is there a time zone between us? Yes, I’ll get back as soon as I can.
MILDRED
I don’t know why you bother living with Brian. You practically live in that office.
JANE
Mother, we talked about this.
MILDRED
No, I talked, you gave excuses.
JANE
Mother…
MILDRED
When are you going to grow up? It’s been five years and…
JANE
No children? That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it? Mother, I told you, when the time is right.
MILDRED
But I want to be around to…
JANE
Stop emotionally black mailing me, mother. I have work to do.
Jane walks off.
MILDRED (shouts)
Work begins at home, Jane! Think of Brian….think… of…me.
9. INT- MILDRED’S HOUSE
Mildred holds the leaves of her pot plant, spraying them and then wiping them gently with a cloth.
MILDRED
I’m just concerned about her, that’s all. I rarely seem to get five minutes with her anymore. We used to do so much together.
Mildred walks to the other end of the room to tend to her dragon plant.
MILDRED
I used to watch her play in the woods. Then she was old enough, I took her to the stables. Old Major. That was her horse. She loved him. She wasn’t the same after he died. Starting getting into music and…boys.
She walks into her conservatory. It is filled with pictures of her family and plants. She slumps in a chair. Next to her head is a water lily. She is disturbed by a knock on the door.
DAVE
I’m sorry for my disturbance, Mildred. Your garden is finished now.
Mildred walks out the door. She sees a bunch of flowers that read “Fuck off”.
MILDRED
You…utter…bastard…
She holds her hand to her chest and falls.
DAVE
Oh, fuck.
10. INT- PUB
Jane fiddles with her watch, occasionally eating from a small roast dinner.
BRIAN
Jane, I was thinking…
JANE
Did it hurt?
Brian laughs half-heartedly. Dave slumps in the door.
BRIAN (raising voice)
I think we should try for a baby.
JANE
Keep your voice down! Isn’t it enough that you sacked him?
BRIAN
I know, but I’d like him to rethink his worthless life, set his priorities straight.
Dave has a drink in his hand. He laughs in Brian’s face.
DAVE
Talking of priorities, yours are seriously messed up, Brian. I’ve been shagging your wife for the last three months.
BRIAN
I know.
DAVE
How did you know?
BRIAN
She smelled of that cheap aftershave you wear-scotch.
Dave laughs.
DAVE
That’s a good one. I’ll let you have that.
Brian throws his drink over Dave.
DAVE
Let me know when it’s my round. What are you trying to prove here anyway?
BRIAN
We’re going to have a family, Dave. Jane doesn’t need you.
Jane glares at Brian.
JANE
This is exactly why I cheated on you, Brian. You think you know what I want. We never talk.
BRIAN
Because you’re never there! You spend all your free time with this man-slag here!
Brian goes to punch Dave. Dave shoves him to the ground. Dave starts to walk off.
Jane tries to follow him, but Dave pushes her away.
DAVE
Brian’s right. You don’t need me.
He walks off. Brian is still eating his food.
JANE
We need to talk…
11. INT- FLOWER SHOP
The “Fuck Off” wreath is now complete. Steve and Mike wait, arms folded.
An envelope is pushed through the door.
STEVE
It’s a cheque.
MIKE
Why isn’t he picking up the flowers?
STEVE
Some things you can’t say with flowers, Mike.
He turns to Mike and mouths “I love you”.
MIKE
I know.
The pair kiss.
12. EXT- SUNFLOWER FIELD
As Dave walks through the sunflower field, a card reads “The sunflower is a path to God”