Pissing in your mouth.

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Posted by Glen at pc2-warw3-3-cust147.brhm.cable.ntl.com on August 24, 2003 at 05:16:28:

In Reply to: Pissing off the fanboys... posted by Dilly the Monkey on August 24, 2003 at 00:20:08:

: To who it may piss off,

: I've seen all of Kevin's movies, watched the Clerks cartoons til my mind was bent left of center, and over think I've "studied" the topic well enough to make some horrible assumptions.

: Like any director, Kevin Smith has had some jewels, some twinkies, and some complete shite. But it seems to me that of all the directors I've watched from first to last movie, his failures seem to smack much more obvious then any other.

: Just so everyone can understand, I rank his movies in this order, (from best to least), Clerks, Mallrats, Dogma, Jay + Bob Strike Back, and Chasing Amy. Now I'm not here to flame them. Trust me, I could, but to make this point clear. Mr. Smith couldn't write a romance if I fed him Wuthering Heights, Romeo and Juliet, and Harold and Maude (the greatest love story of our time) at every meal. Why do I bring this up now? Because of the impending realise of Jersey Girl. Let me explain in depth.

: Clerks is classic and great. The perfect movie for those of us with a six second attention span. Scenes are clipped and smooth, and characters are believable. Some might point out that Dante and his choice of women is important to the plot. I'll remind that if anyone actually believed he could make a relationship last with either never watched the movie very long. Dante and Randall could never have a real relation with a woman let alone anyone but each other, and so they are forever trapped in a crap job.

: Mallrats is also one of my favorite movies, but is crippled by a few key points. One, the plot, which everyone who had a hand in the movie should have be cleaned and shaven a lot movie before they went to film. The cuts from the opening and all other spots where it's mentioned in the movie are a bit overwhelming. But the general idea, dialogue, and jokes are solid. Brodie is a strong character and easily carries the movie. Why? Because I doubt that anyone really cared about that boring straight man and his British what's her name girlfriend. We all just wanna see the next Jay and Bob scene and wonder what the hell Brodie's gonna gripe over next.

: Dogma, funny, key casting, and smart. No relationships and none f-ed up. Very easy. Jay and Bob who don't seem the crutch they can be, and easily blend into the cast. Not much to say.

: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is something I first saw completely high, and rightfully so. It's far from art and doesn't try to be. I never would have thought that Jay and Bob could carry their own movie. Most of the time they're regaled to being the walking plot billboards. But Jason Lee, Mark Hammil, and Jason Biggs are especially good. The only romance of any kind is between the boys and an ape. That is truely fitting. All those hot chick thieves, just eye candy.

: Chasing Amy is the only movie I hated straight through. Have there actually people like any of these characters out there in the real world and can I go put them out of their misery? Where do I start? I've met gay women, I've f-ed gay women and what's her name, Joey?, is not even a fake lesibian. I can't understand her, and don't know anyone who would act like her. Ben is somewhat realistic, falling for the one he can't get. Yet in the second half of the film, his offer of a threesome with Jason? What as that? And Jason excepting? The only thing that did make sense was everyone being basicly single at the end. And can I just ask if Jay and Bob could have been more pasted into that movie?

: Jeresy Girl seems like a poor gamble to me. While Jay and Silent Bob rest in their perminate pot nap I wonder if Kevin can actually go without them. Beyond that, I don't think that any woman in any of his movies has ever been that realistic. His men tend to be stoners or mild dorks and don't lend themselves to type of audience that would ever go see the type of movie he's making. I won't even say the word Gigli.

: So in review. Kevin should stop trying and failing at Romantic Comedy before he alienates the audience and digs hisself a hole.
: Why Mrs. J.Lo? Am I the only on who think that she couldn't act dead in her sleep. Does he actually owe Ben that much?
: I've never directed a feature film, but even I can see this isn't gonna work.

: Catherine the Great

: postscript- For all of you whom hate me, think I suck, want me to shut the heck up, please send your anger to DillytheMonkey@hotmail.com. If you're wondering, I do read these posts even if I really never post, don't think I don't know about y'all. Hehe...



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