Posted by Kimberlieo at ac8e96d4.ipt.aol.com on August 22, 2003 at 02:25:33:
I was at a party at Pennsic...tipsy...ok ...drunk, and I had a few guys come up to me and tell me I am beautiful ok more than a few. But this sort of thing does not happen to me. Now..I know I'm not a gorgon, but have never considered my self beautiful. I think I am rather plain really. So when the 1st guy told me this my reply was "your drunk, but thanks" and the 2nd fellow I just smiled and said "flattery, but thanks" So I was talking to a very dear friend on the phone the other night and told him about this, and he surprised me. He said "oh my god Kim you can't be telling me that you think your not beautiful" But infact thats what I was saying. I was teased alot all through school about my looks, in hind sight probably because I did not bother with all the girly vanity and primping, but have always been a what you see is what you get kinda person. I asked him what the hell he ment, that I just plain don't see it. And he told me that I was not a typical beautiful, and then he started listing words to describe me, and I shut my mouth instead of protesting and listened. He said I was earthy, and mystical looking, like a dryad, and very beautiful. I was so not expecting that. I talked to my roomate and she got on my case about not beliving people when they told me I was beautiful. She said she could not understand how I got through so much of my life with out knowing it. She was trying to come up with words to describe me, she said woodsy, and fairy like, and struggled for a bit. I told her my friend had said Mystical, and her face lit up and she said that was exactly it. I said "who the hell is Mystical? Name me a fameous person, or someone I would know who you would call Mystical?" And she came up with Bernadette Peters. This was funny, because all my life that is who my mother has said I was like, not exactly in looks but somehow something else that she could not describe.
So this has been on my mind, after a life time of thinking I'm not the pretty one, I am having a hard time getting my mind around this. I'ts wierd, and unsettling. I'm not who I thought I was or I am... I don't know. I am not a vain person. I hope this does not sound like I am digging for compliments or anysuch nonsense. It's just been on my mind, It caught me off guard. I think I liked it better when I didn't get it, not that I do now.
befuddled