Posted by dottikam at nat883.ccsn.net on April 05, 2003 at 16:15:50:
In Reply to: Ok, i think i finally got it. Please read. posted by 311 on April 05, 2003 at 15:40:44:
: I think i've finally decided which script i am going to go ahead and right. This is your chance to tell me what you think.
: Taylor Graham is a graduating senior in south florida. He is a coke user and hangs out with the bad crowd. He skips school and has sex with random girls he meets. One Sunday night he ends up at the wrong place at the wrong time when he witnesses a huge raping.
Let me guess this is your pp.1-9 set-up. Very good and provakative as far as I am concerned.
: He tries to leave at the last minute just like all the other when the cops come, his plates get marked down as he drives away. The next day he gets arrested in school and is put in jail for a year for resisting arrest, fleaing, witnessing a rape, and supposedly taking part in the rape which he did not.
here- your p.10 "man with a gun" schtick, could be very good too depending on your lead in (and that flee is spelled with two e's, unless he is doing something related to the insect.) That said, my initial reactions thing that popped in my mind as I read this is that:
1.) I would want to see some significant early signs that he is a person of great character and capability, making bad descisions that lead to this unfortunate occurence. Call me brainwashed, but I want to see all the facets and characteristics of the lead character right up front. He can evolve, as long as you have provided me with some foundation to HOW is capable of learning/growing evolving into what he becomes.
2.)(is really just an extension of 1) So, he is a victim of circumstance however circumstances that he himself created...something there is excessive when you look at the whole picture of where the story leads. Perhaps it is simply your summary that is flawed but I would hope you pick a road: bad seed redeemed, or no set of accidental circumstances can prohibit the great from fulfilling their full potential; which are the two premises I gleaned from your summary. If I am correct in my comprehension than trying to marry those two premises are going to just muddle the story, pick one.
: While in jail he takes up writing to pass the time on. He starts writing stories and a journal. He gets out of jail and moves away to forget what happened before. He moves up North where he gets a job at a small newspaper company. He eventually starts writing for them and is upgraded to write for the New York Times.
your adding in things you should have started back at the beginning. Why is he writing? Why did it start? When? How is witnessing a rape tied into this?
: He is a hit and talent because he never graduated high school, he just had so much experience writing that he is amazing. He learned how to write from a poet in prison. Anyways, he decides to quit his newspaper job after making good amounts of money.
The poet just now shows up? Or is this a significant character? Perhaps he loved the poet and quoted him in his coke sniffing, class-ditching days? Anyway, I like mentor characters.
: He teams up with a friend to make a movie about his life. It is a big hit. The movie would be dark and express what school and getting in trouble is really like.
Ditch the movie. Thats just an opinion.
: Theres a 60% chance of me pursuing this idea.
I think you should absolutley pursue it. It sounds as if it has got some grounding in your experiences and that is always a big plus. Your summary sucked (in that "Im jotting things down quickly" kind of way) yet the basic ideas were compelling enough to string together into an interesting idea. It could be very good...dark and expressive of what school and getting into trouble is really like.
: Your thoughts would be appreciated.
logged, hope they helped.