Posted by MinMay at 200.75.4.249 on February 10, 2003 at 14:34:31:
In Reply to: Save a life. Critique a script. posted by Raikus on February 10, 2003 at 13:12:43:
It was a good read. It builds up the tension/suspense well. But it ends up unexpectedly. Perhaps you should keep the camera on the kids playing with their mom in (what the audience knows is a false) sense of calmness.
It's like showing Janet Lee in the shower and the shadow of Norman carrying the knife, and then cut. That's it? You know he's gonna kill her, but you still need a resolution to the suspense. y'knowwhatimean?
I don't think it needs more detail. Unless you want us to think the killer is the bank robber when it's really the ex-husband that's back for revenge, for instance.
Good luck!
Are you looking for union actors only?
: Well, just that last part really. If you've got 4 minutes (literally, the script is only 10 pages long) click on the link and read the script "In a Day." It's a suspense/thriller.
: Questions to consider:
: Do the flashback/fantasy sequences work?
: Should the end be expounded upon?
: As always, any feedback would be excellent. I'll begin shooting, fingers crossed, in mid-March.