Posted by Jim Shady at 64.236.224.52 on February 10, 2003 at 13:43:50:
In Reply to: Not bad... posted by Jim Shady on February 10, 2003 at 13:41:28:
: : Do the flashback/fantasy sequences work?
: Depends on how you're going to shoot them.
: : Should the end be expounded upon?
: Maybe a little, but it depends on how deep a sense of menace you can instill during the fantasty / reality sequences. You also need to accentuate in the script about the final fantasty sequences - it isn't specified, and doesn't make sense until it's re-read a few times.
: One minor gripe - the old "it's" and "its". If you're a writer, your grammar should be spot-on.
: Perhaps another - if we're not meant to know it's the sherrif's car until we see the badge on the door, how are you going to hide the lights on the roof? You could mention it's a sherrif's car initially, but really focus on the badge when it stops.
: Jim