Posted by Orpheus Jr. at ppp-64-108-150-75.dialup.sgnwmi.ameritech.net on January 09, 2003 at 21:05:31:
In Reply to: jesus hates suvs?... posted by whynotsmile99 on January 09, 2003 at 20:28:04:
: : On your marks
: : .
: : .
: : .
: : Get set
: : .
: : .
: : .
: : RANT.
: : 1. Celebrity Boxing. Maybe I could see the charm in Danny Bonaduce vs. Barry "Greg Brady" Williams, but with matchups like Vanilla Ice vs. Todd Bridges and Horshack vs. Screech, the word "celebrity" has never been so misused. But hey, at least we got a peak at Tonya Harding's awful new breast implants (is that a good thing or a bad thing?)
: : 2. Mike Tyson. Responsible for one of the more ridiculously chaotic press
: : conferences of all time, after calling a reporter a "faggot" and asking the
: : scared writer to service him orally. Moments later, Tyson offered to "fuck him in the ass". Of course, the fact that Lennox Lewis ended up making him his bitch in the ring weeks later made it all the more sweet.
: : 3. Crankyankers YAYYY! What would you have if you took the crank calling shennanigans of The Jerky Boys, only you used puppets and removed the humor? Why you'd have this "hit" show, that's what!
: : 4. The Bachelor. Doesn't "Reality TV" suggest there be something close to,
: : oh, I don't know, "reality"? The only guy on Earth who should be able to pull this type of nonsense off in real life is Hugh Hefner.
: : 5. Whitney and Bobby. Please, please, PLEASE, just go find yourselves a nice crack house and stay out of the news.
: : 6. Blockbuster Video. With 98% of their 2002 revenue coming from late fees (mostly mine), they have become the most evil company on planet earth. Not satisfied with squeezing out every Mom and Pop video store in the country, they angered many by eliminating hundreds of thousands of videotapes from their stock. Think they'd mark them down, or even, gasp, give them away? NOPE! To save on record keeping, they just threw them all away.
: : 7. Axl Rose, with a surprise appearance at the MTV Music Video Awards. He scared his 3 remaining fans when he showed up with no eyebrows, Bo Derek braids, and 200 extra pounds. After canceling 2 early shows in his comeback tour, the sponsor pulled the remaining performances.
: : 8. JESUS HATES SUV's Campaign. Some Christian environmentalists led a campaign against these gas guzzlers, claiming Jesus wouldn't drive one because they are harmful to the atmosphere. Well what the hell do you expect him to cram his12 disciples in for their next road trip?!
: : 9. The Disney cruiseline. If watching Treasure Planet or The Country Bears didn't already make you sick, just take a cruise on one of their fine virus
: : infested cruise ships!
: : 10. Jackass imitators, and their sue-happy parents. Trust me, mom and dad, if your kid is stupid enough to set himself on fire and jump off a speeding truck with a chainsaw strapped to his ass, they really should be removed from the gene pool anyway.
: : 11. Cell Phone Jerks. It's bad enough that people can't drive with these
: : things, but this new breed of asshole with the earpieces that walk in public
: : seemingly shouting to themselves as if they're on an airplane with open
: : windows is enough to make you crazy. "Can you hear me now?" YES! THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM, JACKASS, KEEP YOUR GODDAMN VOICE DOWN!
: : 12. Michael Jackson. Where do you begin? Largely out of the spotlight for the first part of the year, his freaksish appearance in a courtroom, coupled
: : with his even scarier "baby dangling" incident over a German hotel balcony
: : makes it clearer than ever that we need a new reality show called, "Let's
: : Beat Michael Jackson To Death".
: : 13. Which leads us to our next subject, Anna Nicole Smith. I've got nothing against heavier girls, and used to think Ms. Smith was pretty hot at one time, but her TV show makes it hard to appreciate her any more. How anyone can watch this drug addled dimwitted uber-pig practically fart through your television is beyond me.
: holy shit, i thought they only aided terrorism. some wack journalist made this report saying so. apparently all suvs have poor mileage. so what do we do? we buy more gas. now heres the catch. if we ddint drive suvs wouldnt have to buy as much gas from countries like iraq and other places in the middle east that "support terrorism"
: good list though. i was annoyed by a lot of the things you mentioned. the bachelor does suck hard, though ive never seen it. too bad we have to put up with joe millionare stories now
: and i deffinitly agree with you about #10
: i hate these fuckin kids
I just wanted to let you know, we don't get most of our oil from Iraq, we get it from France and England, whom get it from Iraq. So, shouldn't we be at war with france and England? Just a thought.