Posted by pixies chick at 2cust137.tnt1.minneapolis3.mn.da.uu.net on May 02, 2002 at 08:43:04:
In Reply to: Thank you all.. posted by Virgo on May 02, 2002 at 00:46:57:
I wish I could help. Maybe if I tell you this: You have touched me very deeply with what you wrote.
Maybe only people who've been there know this - in the middle of the disease, when you are driven to behaviors that anyone around you can tell you are insane and hurtful, there is a core part of you that knows what the craziness is. If you can get to a place of calm, sometimes you can find it and climb out. Sometimes you can't hear it.
It was my grandfather who left, and who died at about your father's age very young, very drunk and alone.
My father is an alcoholic, and so am I. Dad drinks, I don't.
Your father's poem is so insightful. I remember that place.
I hope that memory I have will help me be a better counselor for the people I work with as I try to help them improve their lives.
I will think about your father today, and you.
Don't focus on that last encounter. He knew the disease he had, and what things it could do. His poem shows that, and he wouldn't want you to be hurt.
: So, so so SO much.
: My mom and dad had me at an early age and never got married. He was a severe alcoholic. They broke up when I was really young, but he had been in my life up until a few years ago when he moved to Seattle (about 400 miles from here.) Last time I saw him was two summers ago when I went on a family trip with my mom and my step-dad. He promised my mom that he wouldn't drink while I was there - but he did. I couldn't handle it, so I left. I haven't seen him since.
: I don't want to condone or justify suicide, however.. My dad was a lonely man. He was miserable with alcohol, he was miserable without it. He had family - but not much. And he tried to stay away from his family to make them happy. So he wouldn't hurt them. He's tried suicide before. He was recently diagnosed with Bi-Polar disease and manic depression. I've known for a long time that he wouldn't live a long life. I loved him very much though. I'm scared that he may not have known that when he left this world, because of my leaving last time I saw him because he was drunk.
: He was an incredibly talented poet, and I'd like to share one of his poems with everyone. His alcoholism has left and impact on me, and has seeded my hatred for alcohol. He wrote this in rehab:
: Alone In A Crowd
: I'm alone, I'm hurt, I'm Angry and scared.
: All around me, this feeling is shared.
: The people I meet and see everyday
: are just like me in a twisted sort of way.
: Red, yellow, brown, black and white
: different in color yet the same in sight.
: Thrown in together, we're the worst of the worst
: with the drugs of our choice always coming first.
: The people outside who try and understand
: don't even come close unless they've been there first hand.
: We promise we'll quit and never do it again,
: only to wake up worse than we've ever been.
: If we're lucky, we find something left in the jug,
: a jolt in the cotton or a rock in the rug.
: Once our heads clear, we sit and we think
: "How in the hell can I get my next drink?"
: There has to be a better way!
: I've been in treatment about 70 days
: half of which was spent in a daze.
: Although now I caneat and sleep through the night
: I still get an urge, that I constantly fight.
: Now with my family by my side,
: I know in my heart that I don't have to hide.
: When I feel like I'm slipping, I don't have to fall
: The first thing I'll do is give them a call.
: (c) Missy narrance 2002
: Please.. Don't use this as your own.. Unfortunatly, he didn't go by what he says in his poem. Alcoholism is a terrible disease.
: Don't let it ruin you... Please.
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