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Posted by Lauryn at on April 26, 2002 at 21:53:11:

The sun was giving of an orange glow as it fell behind the mountains when it all happened. I heard a strange whistling noise. The wind picked up and I rushed to finish burying the neighbor’s dog. As I turned around to get the remains of the mayor’s daughter before complete darkness set in, Mark Hamill appeared. He was wearing the mad grin of the Cheshire Cat. Mark told me that he was going to be the front man for the rock group Genital Herpes taste like Slurpees. A stabbing pain shot through my head and I prayed to the gods of Arena Football and Crest toothpaste to give me a sign. Just then, an Emu appeared wearing a bright red fanny pack. Not knowing if this was in fact a sign for the gods, or just a practical joke being played on me by Oscar the grouch, I ran to the garage and got my weed whacker. As I began whacking the flesh off Mark, he kept crying like a baby about to put in the thrash compactor. Hearing the cries of Mark, my sister Crazy Psychotic Bitch, put a gas soaked rag in his mouth. While having good intentions, the dumb bitch forgot to light the damn thing. After lighting the rag, I knew that I didn’t have much time. I broke out my Rototiller. Again, I prayed to the gods and not those lamer gods like that spic Jesus. No! This time I prayed to the God of Scrabble and Dust Bunnies. I ask that he give me the power to finish this job and allow my team to not only beat the spread, but also make the over and under. With new found strength, I tore through Mark like a Maniac with an automatic weapon through a Kindergarten Class. What few fleshy bits that were left of Mark, I made a very delicious sandwich in my George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine. As I sat reflecting on the day, I realized that George Lucas will not stop until he has caused the complete and total destruction of Genital Herpes taste like Slurpees. Mark is but a sock puppet of mighty George Lucas.

The moral of this story you bulbous headed freaks is “KILL THE DOG BEFORE YOU BURY IT!!” That fucker is still barking.

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