Posted by Derris's black T/A at spider-wb034.proxy.aol.com on January 12, 2002 at 18:04:18:
Well everyone else posted their stories of Vulgarthon and seeing is how I'm trying to kill time between finishing work at one job and then going to the other in 3 hours, I'll try to write mine.
In attendance with me to Vulgarthon Day 1 was my roommate Mark, my cousin Steve and my good friends The Toolman, Abby, and Brian. We departed from my apartment, in Chicopee MA, around 10am headed for Red Bank. Brian driving his car with Steve and Abby, me in my rental car with Mark and Toolman. After getting onto I84 and through the hell that is Hartford, we decided to grab some food at the next MickeyDs we came across. So while waiting in line for some horrible $1 Double Cheeseburgers, Brian asks me if its bad when the battery light comes on in the dashboard. With questions like "When did it come on", "While driving?",and "Is it on now?"(I'm the resident mechanic of the group) and responses like "I don't know","I don't know", and "I don't know", we figured it was best to keep pushing on and for him to let me know if it comes back on.
So a couple hundred miles and a Tappan Zee Bridge later, his 97 Camry decided it didn't want to go to Red Bank and would rather be dropped off at a northern NJ Toyota dealership and have $300 in parts and labor thrown at it instead. So with all 6 of us jammed into my rented 2001 Buick Century, off to the Stash we headed. The newly remodeled Stash was a sight to see, but the bathroom across the street at Prown's was the northern star in my book. After a little weight loss via urination it was back across the street to the Stash I was headed. Seeing the "Brodie's Secret Stash" sign, and the "Bluntmobile" was very cool. Getting my tickets from Mr. View Askew Historian Vincent Perrira(i know i spelt that wrong) himself was really cool. But seeing the tin Simpson's coasters and knowing they could be mine for only 8 bucks was awesome, a perfect addition to my bachelor pad.
With the tickets obtained and a few comics and collectibles under our belts, we were off to the Holiday Inn. It was very nice of them to assure us they were open(nice touch!). Room 232 was home for the next two days, right next to an elevator...very nice. The tummys once again grumbled... and it was off the TGI Fridays for us. So after I got everyone lost for 10 minutes and finally finding the correct road....we saw it. It being a sight for sore eyes, something I had longed for a good week or two. It being the warm friendly enviroment known as Chili's! (applause). The thought of Friday's left my head and I was thanking God it was Chili's.I must say the service at this particular restaurant has left me tainted for the rest of my life. Never again will I be out and have service like this again. The drinks always full, the chips always plentiful, the meals great, and the molten chocolate cake with 6 spoons....magnificent!!!
After loosening up my belt and chilling in our hotel room and it time to go get our beer on! We mosied our way down to Morgan's and I got reaquainted with an old friend, Bud Light. What a great night, with beer all around. Even better was the friendly doorman who couldn't tell a fake Massachusetts ID if it bit them right in the ass. I am a ripe age of 22 but that couldn't be said for two in my group. After just chilling with my friends, seeing the Pats pull off another one...GO BRADY!!!, and seeing way too many "that guy(s)" around, it was time to go back up to the room, for my bottle of Goldschlager was feeling lonely. After a couple hellos with that, it was a stumble back to Morgan's and back into my chair. :::NOTE- The rest of the night was a blur, just remember sulking over ex, being too pussy to talk to girls(the six that were actually there, including my friend Abby)and quoting Good Will Hunting alot(I got fired cause managment was restructing!)::: So up to room 232 we went and the fight for the beds commenced. After some huffing and puffing, some tears and bloodshed, I finally got my own bed. GOODNIGHT ALL!!!
Day two: Wake up in shifts beginning at 7, showers for everyone. To the theatre by 7:45. We were at the point in the line where we were the corner in which line turned, the most important part of the letter L. And after Abby walked up and down the line trying to trade tickets...we had 4 tickets for theatre 1 and 2 tickets for theatre 2, and no succes(I think it could have worked if she had shown some cleavage). Time to decide who was going to be seperated from the majority. Steve and Brian took the plunge and were in Theatre 2,while Abby, Mark, the Toolman, and myself were off to number 1. First thing up, Vulgar...mmmm...i'm still conflicted over this one. Because a) I hate clowns, they scare the piss out of me and 2) clown rape scenes just don't captivate me like....ummm...um....c'mon!!! clown rape scene! doh! not my cuppa T.
But I think the Bri(y)ans were great in it, in front of and behind the camera. It didn't disappoint me, but clowns just freak me out man! The Q and A afterwards was great too...very entertaining, informative and witty.
Next up Jay and Bob, I think I laughed harder this time then any other time i've seen it. It just keeps getting better and better. Mr. Smith, you definitley had us fans in mind when you made it. The deleted scenes were great too, Will Ferrell was great, the "i want to rip off your head and fuck your spine stump" was disturbing, yet strangly arousing, and the "Brenda?" line should have been kept in the movie! The Q and A with Mr. Smith didn't disappoint, the man is oozing more wit and humor from his pinky than I am from my entire body.
Dinner break!!! Onto the Broadway diner! May I say, Oh what a lovely tea party! The food was great! And the waitstaff were some of the cutest chicks I've seen in awhile, maybe not... seeing is how I was surrounded by geeks, freaks and movie nerds all weekend (hope you guys don't take offense to that...i'm, of course, not talking about you). Back to theatre one...Now you Know is up. I knew Jeff Anderson made a movie but wow, was I blown away. What a great fucking flick. I can't wait to have this in my collection...great story, shot great, great acting. 10!!! A mother fucking TEN!!! Up there in the annals of....ummm...other great movies! The Q and A with Jeff Anderson was great, real funny. Can't stress how much I loved the movie!
BIG HELIUM DOG!!! Last year I saw this last and I was so tired and almost fell asleep. I knew it was funny but this time around I was awake and prepared. Wow, great great great movie. Laughed my fuckin ass off, and now I can't stop myself from quoting it. MUST OWN THIS DVD!!! Lynch is too funny his Q & A was great. He was sitting at the table next to us in Morgan' the night before and I could hear him that night also...funny funny man. Must see this movie again....soon. "For the devil comma you aren't very horny" great line. Big ups to Lynch. I think that is the first time I've said Big ups...wow..i don't like using it. We watched Angry Naked Pat afterwards...I laughed alot, it was really amusing, but at some parts I felt I was missing something cause people were going nuts when certain characters came on screen...sorry lynch....but my computer is too slow to Download stuff...maybe if i watch some more itll hook me.
OK NOW!! everyone cram into the car, time to go to the bowling alley. OK i'm not disrespecting the party and anything, but why rent out a bowling alley if we couldn't bowl, that and I'm not a fan of drinking under bright flourescent lights. But my two friends were one again blessed with bouncers that can't spot Fake IDs. Got to meet Jeff Anderson and get a picture with him (weekend highlight). I'm a car guy so my question to him was of course about the ol Mopar with THE BOSS license plates. Very cool guy, but I'm used to working 8-5 so when its Tuesday and 1am my body tells me its time for bed. After trying to get to the hotel and not being successful because my friends had to hit the White Castle down the road from the hotel, I couldn't blame them, but I was too tired. We got to the hotel and the clock was reading about 2am when...
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. Having a room at the end of the hall and an exit sign above your door leads drunk kids to believe that your hotel room door is actually a staircase. The door opens and surprisingly its an attractive girl, a five minute conversation continues on b/t previously mentioned hot girl and my friend Abby. So then they leave and Brian Steve and Abby follow them down to room 143. The "Anti-509" party begins. I soon visit, snag a free beer, and then realize i'm at a sausage party. My brain tells me that 6 guy and two guys does not equal party. So I grab my goldschlager and head up to 509, on the way up i was told that the cops were on they way. OK TIME FOR BED!!!! I once again get my own bed and its time for Mr. Sandman to pay me a visit.
WAKE UP!! is what i get yelled into my ear with only twenty minutes to spare b4 checkout time. so after a quick pack and a dash to the trusty Buick, its back to massachusetts we go. Stop at the stash first to finally pick up the things we saw there, weren't going to buy, but finally gave into. Then over to quick stop and RST for some Gatorades...can't resist.(any balls down there?) Then we hit up a BK where once again, blown away by the service...I got my food before I got my change. Great tasting and efficient, good job BK.
DOH!!! I forgot my phone charger. So the Buick stuffed with all of us in it, goes back to the hotel, we grab the charger and hit the road. Back to the dealership to pick up the trusty Camry. Finally I have some room to drive. stretch out, thrown in the LINKIN PARK and now for the 3 hour drive back to the icy tundra we call MASSACHUSETTS. Overall I say it was a good time, I personally had more fun at the 2000 Vulgarthon, I would have liked to seen "A Better Place" on the big screen again, i have the DVD....excellent work by Vincent! On another note, last year I noticed it, this year I bit my lip not to say anything, but next time I'm going to take a big black magic marker and just write "THAT GUY" on your forehead if you are indeed....THAT GUY. If you don't know who THAT GUY is you don't watch enough quality flicks!!! Some people just acted like asses...or maybe they weren't acting. But a great job by everyone...especially you Vincent,you seemed to be running around everywhere. I was sitting next to the projector and you seemed to be stressing so a big thanks to you!!! Hope to see you all next time!!! Love, Peace and AFROGREASE!!!!