Posted by zeta at 207.59.74.4 on November 28, 2001 at 12:32:52:
In Reply to: Okay, I'm feeling a little like Urkel here... posted by Isis on November 28, 2001 at 12:00:07:
: Hitching up my too-short pants and whining "did I do that"? Apologies to everyone. I didn't know this issue would blow up like this.
: Is it a mistake to expose your personal experiences to people who don't know you and then expect them to care? Maybe. I tend to believe that people are more compassionate and thoughtful than they are. I tend to think that when shown that their words hurt me or someone else, they'll be affected. Maybe this is naïve, maybe it's hopeful.
: Ben asked this question and I would like to answer it:
: "Why are rape jokes any more offensive than suicide jokes? or hitler jokes? or dead baby jokes? or the thousands of other stupid things that people post here?"
: Frankly, I don't think that any of those things are very funny. Still, I would contend that rape jokes are more offensive than any of those other kind of jokes, for this reason:
: When a person has been raped, there is certainly physical damage, but the major damage that happens is psychological. The raped person is weighted with a sense of shame, i.e. I did something wrong to cause this, people will know, people will blame me. You are forced to keep the secret. Have you ever had the experience of waking up from a nightmare and feeling desperate that no one find out what you dreamed about? Take that to a millionth power and you know a little of what I'm talking about.
: Obviously our society doesn't take rape seriously. If there were any other violent crime that happened to 1 out of 3 of a specific group of people (in this case, women, although yes, men too are raped), don't you think there would be a more vigorous effort to wipe it out? Young girls aren't taught self-defense. Young boys aren't taught that those attitudes aren't cool. Again, people don't even like to talk about it. Indeed, when people do talk about it, they joke about it. Where do you think men learn not to take their power seriously? Where do women learn how to shut their mouths and be quiet about it?
: You can be raped once, and yes, that hurts. You can be belittled and mocked by people's jokes a million times, and I can't explain to you how low that can bring you. To know that one person hated and hurt you is one thing. To feel that the general population doesn't understand, doesn't even care what has happened to you, that you should just get over it and have a chuckle, puts a fear and sadness in you that must be felt to be believed.
: I wish this understanding on no one. I have said before that humor is only cruel if it doesn't come from experience and I stand by that. Chris Rock talking about the N word is funny; Jeff Foxworthy would get shot if he did the same bit. If you're in a room with three women you're likely talking to someone who has experienced this. I can't compel anyone else's conscience; but I would suggest that a little consideration is in order. I would also suggest that those 1 in 3 aren't all getting raped by one dude. This is a widespread problem. The attitude that rape is either not serious, or doesn't even exist, starts somewhere...it might start with a stupid joke for all I know.
: I'm very sorry if Ben was fired. However, it's between him and Kevin and should be left that way.
: -- i