Been a while since I've posted and this seems like

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: a good place to jump back in. : : Ok, I unfortunatly hail from Knoxville, Tennessee (smack dab in the middle of the "Bible Belt").Throughout my years I have been crammed with so much nonsensical bullshit that it has numbed my faith in God. : -Let's take a quick look at my background: : 1)Mother- tried to raise me as a Catholic : 2)Father- tried to raise me as a Muslim : 3)Foster Parents - browl beat me with Jehova's Witness beliefs : 4)2nd set of Foster Parents - begged me to become Baptist : 5)Racist Muslim cousins who have taught me their jaded beliefs on : the Jewish faith in hopes of swaying me into hating them, but instead : it swayed me into doing my own research. : 6)Ardent Athiest roomate in college : 7)Close friend who is a Wiccan : :I do, however, know that I have faith in a higher power. The problem is that I haven't found a way in which to harness my belief. Every church I have been to has just really made me feel uncomfortable and, for the most part, : -All of these religions, all of these varying beleifs - I didn't know what to think.All I knew was that I too did not feel comfortable with the idea of taking any of them as my "binding practice." What came to me was simple - I had been given a very special gift from God. I got to witness first hand and in depth so many different religions, to learn that there were a plethora of different ideas being thrown around in this world as to where we came from and why. After I realized that I never felt jaded again. : : :the people who reside within are some of the most preposterous people I have ever met. You know, the people who are cramming their shallow beliefs in your throat....so to speak, but then after church are fucking the preacher kind of shit. : I have always kept a quote in the back of my mind "Going to church makes one no more a Christian than going to the garage makes one a mechanic." I'm not a church goer, I don't believe in man made structures. Jesus prayed by himself mostly, otherwise he prayed with his apostles, his close friends, not masses of strangers. Yes he prayed with strangers, one on one - to teach and guide individually. Church has always seemed very impersonal to me, a convience if you will for everyone to clear their concious in one day - for some one hour - worth of singing, kneeling and communal prayer. Catholicism especially had always offended me with the belief of confession. The practice of telling small children that the only way they can be forgiven is to have them tell another man who isnt God everything they have done wrong. : Muslims offended me with the idea that you had to be completely clean and draped in white before you could pray, and if a woman was in the middle of her cycle she was not allowed to pray - God wouldn't listen anyway. There are so many things in so many different religions that I could go on rants about but it simply isnt worth it. Your faith is something you have to come to on your own. Kind of the way Alyssa came to Holden - she was certain that there wasn't one place that she didn't look. You just need to look, and I don't mean at different churchs and faiths neccesarily, though it can always help, but look inside and consider what you believe just feels right and what makes you most comfortable in your faith. : :Any way you or anyone else could help me would be greatly appreciated. : Hope I helped in some way : : Shannon : Nancy

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