Bfatt-Lazy Hates Kevin! and other tales...

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Posted by jeffmeister at on August 27, 2001 at 22:53:42:


THE LOWDOWN: Jay and Silent Bob go to Hollywood to try and stop a big budget adaptation of BLUNTMAN AND CHRONIC from making it to the big screen. If only someone would have done that for this film.

I think I’ve finally figured out what Kevin Smith’s deal is. He’s in love with himself.

Kevin Smith only wishes he could be cloned. Then he could have some rough and tumble fuck sessions with himself. He could lube his cock up real good and go to town on his own butthole. He could engage in a circle jerk with himself. He could cum in his own mouth and as he so eloquently put it in CLERKS, he could snowball himself. He could then gargle the jizz for twenty minutes, swallow it, digest it and then shit it into his own mouth a couple of hours later.

That would simply be heaven to Kev.

Never mind that he has a wife with a smoking little body (but creepy big forehead) waiting at home for him. She could never pleasure him as much as he could pleasure himself. Even if she had a dick, would she be willing to fuck him in the ass and be courteous enough to give him a reach around? I expect not. And even if she would, it certainly wouldn’t be up to his standards.

Really, it has never been a secret that Kevin Smith loves himself. Why else would he keep making the same movie with the same characters over and over again unless he thought that he was the most cleverest boy in the whole wide world? I’m surprised he hasn’t broken his spine from patting himself on the back all the time.

JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK is the worst movie he has made yet. And frankly, that is saying a lot. For the love of god, DOGMA stole part of my soul. What makes JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK so horrible is the fact that Smith revisits every single one of his previous films, proclaims how stupid they were and then decides to celebrate them anyway. I wonder if even Hitler had such a big ego?

All of the jokes were so painfully unfunny. Jay was good for a few laughs in CLERKS. Four movies later he’s so fucking annoying you want to hold him down and pour a mix of bleach and drano down his throat until it comes out his fucking eyes. And we get an almost two hour dose of him here. Somebody kill me now.

It’s pretty obvious that Smith wants credit for remembering every shitty detail of his first four films. He also thinks he’s very clever for getting the same actor to play multiple roles from his previous flicks. Ha ha. It’s very funny that you got Ben Affleck and Jason Lee to play a bunch of different people. Grow the fuck up.

Kevin Smith says this is his last “Jersey” film. I wish it was his last film period. But I highly doubt either one of those things will happen. I wouldn’t be surprised to see Jay and Silent Bob pop up again. No one should be surprised when I start yelling about it.

[ 0.0 out of 4.0 ]

Fuck Kevin Smith right in his butt

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