Posted by Skevmon at 1cust233.tnt33.bos2.da.uu.net on August 27, 2001 at 19:55:59:
In Reply to: 100 from a critic posted by Love Gregory on August 27, 2001 at 13:53:10:
Little Jay devils sucker punching the Jay angel before it can counter the first Jay devil on shoulder.
: 100 Good Reasons Why Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
: is the true #1 Movie in the Country:
: BY AWARD-WINNING ENTERTAINMENT WRITER (AND ACROBAT)
: GREGORY WEINKAUF
: 100. Shannon Elizabeth’s poor diction and rich friction.
: 99. Clash of the Titans name-checked twice by Randal.
: 98. Extremely sweet and talented orangutan. (No, not Freddie Prinze, Jr.)
: 97. Fills void while sitting around waiting for Strange Brew sequel.
: 96. Terrible violence heaped upon “Generation Next.”
: 95. Passable performance from Affleck. (Quit while you’re ahead.)
: 94. Sliding bass notes.
: 93. Writer/Director adopts moniker “Lunchbox.”
: 92. Matt Damon looks tired and irritable.
: 91. Road trip format eclipses many previous entries in genre.
: 90. Gus Van Sant counts money, ignores own movie.
: 89. “He loves the cock!”
: 88. “I am the Clit Commander!”
: 87. “Doobie snacks!”
: 86. “Do you like trouser snakes?”
: 85. “I hate how fake Hollywood is.”
: 84. “...shit out our shit...”
: 83. “Dude, I think I just filled the cup.”
: 82. “There’s no snacks here!”
: 81. “Don’t change the subject -- are we gonna fuck or not?”
: 80. “Snootchie...bootchies?”
: 79. Dumbass “critics” frightened by movie’s uncompromising tone.
: 78. Held up thrice on opening weekend. (Now quite sated, thank you.)
: 77. Made all the trailers look trite and boring.
: 76. Wes Craven lisps!
: 75. Biggs and Van Der Beek suffer significant abuse.
: 74. Funnier than The Player, crunchier than The Big Picture.
: 73. Velma depicted as lesbian with perky breasts.
: 72. Smashing sound mix.
: 71. Miramax “Studios.”
: 70. Shannon Elizabeth’s spit-take.
: 69. El Rey depicted as cinema theatre.
: 68. Jerome depicted.
: 67. Ali “Farter”
: 66. “We’re walking, talking bad-girl clichés! (cat sound)”
: 65. “Cornhole” used as verb by law enforcement agent.
: 64. Oh, wait, that’s Judd Nelson! (...wouldn’t he be outstanding in this
: 63. Moped.
: 62. Director Smith’s love-hate relationship with the entertainment industry
: provides plenty of knowing irony without sacrificing the standard tenets of
: the paradigm (who owns whom, etc.) or reducing his struggle to caricature
: or forcing him to chain-smoke on camera.
: 61. Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher available.
: 60. Harrison Ford unavailable.
: 59. Ralph (and Japh) Fiennes nowhere in sight.
: 58. Prolonged references to Dawson’s Creek provide generous restroom
: 57. No one pretends to be British.
: 56. No one pretends to be acting (except actors who can’t act).
: 55. Unionized dope dealers.
: 54. Expanded humorous scenario re: unionized dope dealers.
: 53. Not expanded humorous scenario re: George Carlin gag.
: 52. Joe Walsh employed to summarize the 70s.
: 51. No ignorant waffling about Tantra.
: 50. Works even if one has no idea what anyone is talking about.
: 49. Director thanks everyone he likes at the end.
: 48. Isn’t Rat Race.
: 47. Ambivalence over spelling of “PoopShoot.”
: 46. Catching self reflecting upon said ambivalence; chuckling quietly.
: 45. No lazy production and no lousy editing, thus no need to slather every
: scene with braying of current crap “alternative” band in order to make
: shenanigans of sexually frustrated losers seem fun.
: 44. In case you didn’t get that: “Doesn’t suck like American Pie franchise
: 43. Director’s reach does not exceed his grasp (nor vice-verse); instead,
: wisely opts to land both in pants.
: 42. Pretty sure Will Ferrell says “Fuckbeans.”
: 41. Stupid guns used stupidly by stupid people.
: “40” is a very nice song by U2.
: 39. Film school mercilessly mocked.
: 38. Isn’t Eliza Dushku also a Sith Lord?
: 37. Fine actors who do not mind traipsing around with names swiped from a
: mostly-forgotten Krofft children’s series.
: 36. “Niggaz With Puppets”
: 35. Mac used exclusively.
: 34. Mosier wrangles extras like pro.
: 33. “The internet has given everyone in America a voice, and apparently
: everyone in America has chosen to use that voice to bitch about movies.”
: 32. At the New Bev, would make great double feature with Head.
: 31. Chris Rock says “booger flavor” with peculiar zeal.
: 30. Some critics have mistakenly attributed She’s All That joke to Holden,
: proving they don’t pay much attention to their work.
: 29. No references to nor appearances by KISS.
: 28. Salsa is used in a quick, surreptitious, nearly offscreen manner, and
: -- much like Memento -- I can’t wait to get the DVD to find out what it
: really means!
: 27. The idea of Randal being played by Judi Dench sort of works. (And
: congratulations, fellah.)
: 26. “Tracer!”
: 25. Segues between scenes rarely -- if ever -- explained.
: 24. Burton, Spielberg, Affleck and Bond series lampooned in one single
: 23. No god-damned trombone solo.
: 22. Mooby slain.
: 21. Producers have not changed their names to those of birds of prey.
: 20. Not as good as Tank Girl, but tries to be!
: 19. Alanis Maionette once again generously stands in for Emma Thompson.
: 18. Unlike Ghost World, does not sully its humor with vain attempts at
: 17. No Larry King nor Jerry Springer cameo.
: 16. “Pumpkin Escobar”
: 15. Not one single “mullet” reference. Not a one.
: 14. James L. Venable’s score is well worthy of our attention.
: 13. Openly admitting that you hate this movie makes identification of
: idiocy even easier than looking kind of dumb with your finger and your
: thumb in the shape of an ‘L’ on your forehead.
: 12. Pile of diamonds sitting in plain sight upon velvet cloth.
: 11. Cynical criticisms of Smith’s franchise are almost as funny as movie
: 10. Joey shows us how cigarettes work.
: 9. Jason shows us how cunnilingus doesn’t.
: 8. Lucas hasn’t sued yet (has he?)...
: 7. There are more than 100 good things (and 3 ugly ones) to say about this
: 6. George W. Bush’s “Presidency” is more than 1/8th over already!!!
: 5. Mewes is a homophobe...er...homophone for “Muse.”
: 4. Apart from Kevin Spacey expecting us to accept him as a cuddly and
: inspirational alien, Jay’s the funniest thing on the screen this year.
: 3. Silent Bob breaks silence to explain in no uncertain terms how to
: protect intellectual property from rotten bastards.
: 2. The Time!
: 1. Proves that dreaming big can be an equal-opportunity e
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