Posted by Grave at hvborder.hv.hasbrointeractive.com on August 24, 2001 at 11:02:54:
It is sad to see that Hollywood is not unlike highschool; there are trite feuds and drama that no one can seem to escape. I love Tim Burton and Kevin Smith, can't say I take any of that crap that Burton is saying seriously (he is probably upset with POTA and nervously snapped at an misinterpreted attack). Blaa Blaa Blaa. There, it is resolved. Everything is better.
Now here is my plan for making J&SBSB a film which grosses literally all the money in the world, forcing us to mint a new unified world currency, which ultimately leads to absolute world peace.
1. Get a second job. With the additional income buy as many tickets as possible. If you are Bill Gates buy the populance of North America 50 tickets each.
2. Tell as many little girls that Nsync and Britney Spears left subliminal messages in the film. This will spread like wild fire and result in sales equal to Titanic (which rose to the top thanks to the afformentioned audience and similar tactics).
3. Start a rap metal band, marketed as "we're misunderstood and ready to snap". After you have sold 80 Qatrillion tickets site your inspiration as J&SBSB. With the revenue of ticket sales...duh, purchase more movie passes. This will surely flood the theaters with quietly rebeling gen xers.
4. Purchase a video camera. Document yourself for a full week. Sell the footage to a network station, declaring it cutting edge reality tv. When this joins the ranks of mind numbing programs, the subtle mentions of J&SBSB will send the masses to theaters like an army of consumer zombies.
5. Flood the web with hype. Not just in chat rooms and boards like this, get creative. Build 100s of quick websites dedicated to J&SBSB, making sure that the search engine entry covers every thing possible subject. Learn to become a haxor L33T then create a virus which overloads the net with "Hal Hartley is a bitch" messages. So many that the internet shuts down and people are forced to go outside, where they will encounter the innumerable crowd of little girls, mob of defiant gen xers, and troves of consumer zombies. Without any real volition of their own, these net surfers will also get in line.
I'd write more but want to get to the theater before the riots begin. See you there.
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