Posted by Neil at 126.96.36.199 on August 23, 2001 at 16:16:07:
In his rant that "even Kevin would agree with", he said, "Fuck Tim Burton. Just give him a nice sloppy homosexual redneck and say 'Bubba go to town.'"
A perfectly rational response to Kevin's specific request that the board lay off the Burton bashing because he generally enjoys Burton's work very much. All things considered, you can see why Kevin would have to agree with that.
My suggestion that there was no need for Burton to spoil his weekend by using up his sloppy homosexual redneck was clearly only the suggestion of an "ass" and I can't apologize profusely enough.
Using the logic that Tim Burton directed ED WOOD, one of the best movies of the last ten years, he ever so logically concluded that "there's why Kev is obviously a target of Tim's anger and rage. Kevin doesn't don drag."
I replied that he was wasting the world's oxygen supply to keep alive a brain that was clearly not functioning properly. At the time, I felt his suggestion was ridiculous and basically offensive, however I've come to see the light.
ED WOOD can't possibly be good, because it's central figure is, get this, a transvestite. The horror! What was I thinking?
He continued the accusation that Burton stole the ending of his PLANET OF THE APES remake from the "Jay & Silent Bob" comic, despite Kevin's repeated statements that it was merely an amusing coincidence and he was joking by suggesting that he was offended or was pursuing legal action.
Clearly Josh the minivan pizzaguy understands the issue much more clearly than Kevin Smith, so why shouldn't he reassert this? I was a complete ass for suggesting that perhaps that was less than brilliant. I could never fully express the guilt I feel for contradicting such an amazing and insightful mind.
I went on to say that "I don't read comic books..." and "I've never read a comic book." are significantly different statements, since it was my understanding that Burton had gone through some Batman comics in preparing the look of BATMAN, but still found his statement that he doesn't read comic books plausible – if arguably snotty in context.
I, of course, know nothing about the English language, because there's actually NO WAY those sentences could have any arguable distinction. Tim Burton is a fucking comic fiend. He reads them every waking moment. Josh the minivan pizzaguy knows all, and I know nothing at all.
Please accept this apology for being such a complete ass to one of the most brilliant and rational minds on the View Askew board. It's a safe bet I won't make that mistake again!
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