Thought you people might find this funny...

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: Saw this on an Australian Web Page (Don't stop reading just cause it's Australian... It's pretty funny...) And it's on topic, sort of... : Things To Remember: Tribe’s Surviving Film School Ten Commandments : 1. THOU SHALT NOT DISAPPEAR UP ONE’S OWN ARSE : It’s easy to believe that you’ve been put on this planet to blow Tarantino away. Odds are you haven’t. Make sure it’s your dreams that are big, not your head. The Super-VHS short you just wrote, produced, directed and catered might look a masterpiece now, but in a couple of years it’s going to make you want to disappear down a hole. You are a film student. You are not God’s gift to cinema. Not yet, anyway. : 2. THOU SHALT NOT LISTEN TO THE DOOM-AND-GLOOMERS : On the other hand, don’t be afraid to aim for the stars. A lot of “professionals” will try to tell you that you’ll never make it to Hollywood, it’s the toughest industry in the world, everything’s against you, rah rah rah. Ignore them. They’re mostly embittered 40-year-olds making promotional videos for weight-loss products or home porno kits. Just keep telling yourself: small-time kids can conquer the world. Just ask Savage Garden. : 3. THOU SHALT PITCH IN : Yes, we all know you’d rather be a director than a boom swinger. Get over it. Your 15 minutes in the fold-up chair will come. For the time being, help out your fellow film geeks on their productions. Do whatever needs to be done. The more favours you do for other people, the more favours you can call in later when you’re making your own film. So don’t be afraid to do a bit of grunt work. It won’t kill you, you big baby. : 4. THOU SHALT NOT HANG SHIT ON THY PEERS... YET : Some of your classmates will possess absolutely no discernible talent whatsoever. This much is inevitable. But don’t go around bagging them mercilessly. You can’t afford to make enemies just yet. Film school is hard enough without saboteurs lurking in the wings trying to derail your career before it’s even started. Bag them after you’ve signed a five-year contract with DreamWorks. : 5. THOU SHALT NEVER PAY LOCATION FEES : You’re a student. Your car is probably older than you are. Your staple diet consists of pizza and two-minute noodles (and you only see the pizza every time your Austudy goes in). Forget paying exorbitant location fees to film in public areas like national parks and so on. Just rock up, jump out of the car and shoot. And if anyone asks you if you’ve got a permit, the correct answer is, “Yes, officer, it’s right here in the glove box...” : 6. THOU SHALT ASK FOR STUDENT DISCOUNTS, ALWAYS : Burn these six crucial words into your memory: “Is that your best price, mate?” Never, never be afraid to ask for a student discount, even if you don’t think you’ll get one. You won’t know for sure till you ask. Remember, the more money you save, the more two-minute noodles you can afford next time at Franklins. : 7. THOU SHALT NOT TRY TO WRITE LIKE KEVIN SMITH : If screenwriting is your bag, please don’t try to write like Kevin Smith, no matter how big an inspiration Clerks was to you. Kevin Smith is a skilled screenwriter. He effortlessly turns crudity into wit. If you try to write like Kevin Smith, chances are you’ll only turn crudity into something rhyming with wit. Only Kevin Smith can write like Kevin Smith. You cannot. You are not Kevin Smith. Questions? : 8. THOU SHALT PLAY WITH THE TOYS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE : You’ll only have access to free equipment for a short time, so use it while you’ve got it. Shoot something every weekend. Anything. It doesn’t matter. Even cables are expensive to hire out in the real world. (Well, expensive for you, anyway, because you’ll be on the dole after you graduate.) : 9. THOU SHALT NOT ABUSE THE TOYS : By all means take advantage of all that free equipment, just don’t leave it in an unlocked car at a train station at three in the morning. Nothing turns a film student into an ex-film student faster than a lost or damaged $120,000 Betacam SP video camera. : 10. THOU SHALT NOT RUN WITH SCISSORS : Self-explanatory. Someone will have their eye out.

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