Southern Baptists invade Cook county.

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: Sing it over,A---men,One more time now,A---men, With Feeling! A--men,A--men A--men. Now on to the Dogma Lovefest. : : I'm a little late seeing Dogma, I admit, so forgive me if this post is too past tense for some of you.::: : It came out a few months ago. I still talk about Clerks. Clerks was good. Dante is the only guy with less chin than Brian Lynch. I can say this because I have a jaw like the Animated Batman. : But I felt it was important, in light of the protests and negative propaganda aimed at Dogma by the "Christian" community, that at least one Christian should stand up in defense of the film. :::::: : You're not the only one,son. Why,thousands and thousands showed their support of Dogma and JuJu bees by plopping down their $8.50 and change to watch a big pile of shit walk out of a cantina crapper. No sarcasm intended,but that was one of my favorite scenes ever. It took poopy jokes to a level note seen since Mel Brooks. : So that's what I'm doing. By the way, I'm a Southern Baptist, so I hope that adds some weight to what I'm saying. I'll try and keep this short and to the point.::: : Yes,because we all know Southern Baptists are the the Militant right of Christendom. I heard a bunch of SB's are coming up to Chicago to "Recruit for Christ". This is a Catholic town buddy,dont think we wont burn you. There are millions of us. You may be armed with Great Granda Joesphus's musket,be we have thousands and thousands of Polish people who will run cover as we Irish go get our bats,knives and police issued 9mms. And our Mafia is still working well. Unlike the New York Families, we stayed underground. Thats why we still run Vegas. God Bless America. So watch your backs. I mean that in the kindest sense. : : The movie is a triumph and a must-see by the Christian community for three reasons: Its accuracy, its innacuracy, and its message. (I'm only listing three because that's the format most preachers use.)::: : Three being a very important number. Jesus rose after 3 days. 3 aspects of God. 3 Nails in Jesus. 30 pieces of silver to Judas. 3 O'Clock last call in the bar the apostles hung out in. 3 wise men. 3 limbs the leper had left before Jesus healed him. 3 propositions the Devil gave Jesus to betray God. 3 minutes the Devil lay on the ground after he got a size 10 sandle in the nuts. The JC was a size 10 because everyone back then was a size 10. : : 1)Accuracy - It's obvious Kevin knows the Bible, and it stays very close to Scripture in word and heart. What few liberties are taken remain within the spirit of the Bible message, and only reinforce the thought that God is good and supreme.::: : Don't forget, He's also tasy and full of righteous vigor. : It's very rare to find a movie, aside from the old Charlton Heston Bible epics, that stay true to the heart of the Bible, and that mention Christ without it being a joke. Which brings me to #2.::::::::::: : Heston? Give mah fucking break. Heston looks as much like Moses would have looked as I look. Incidentally,I'm a cross between Liam Neeeson and Richie cunningham. With a full mane of luxorious hair. And a cute nose,yet to be broken even though I have seen more conflict than a Rabbi who lives above a mosque. : : 2)Innacuracy - Any comedic writer will tell you that to a joke recipe consists of a healthy dose of fantasy with a sprinkling of truth. (Satire has even more truth added.):::: : The Red haired girl from American Pie walks into a bar and the bartender says "We dont serve college kids here". She responds "dont worry,im with the band". So she walks up to the stage, gets on her back and spreads her legs. : :: Without those two elements you have what amounts to a knock knock joke.:: : That may have been a bad joke but it was way dirtier than any knock knock joke. : Kevin added his own touches (the 13th apostle, plenty of bad language, the "scion", speculative theology, etc.)to provide a framework for great story elements and great jokes. :::::: : Dont forget the big poopyman. Anyone ever see the Poopymonster from "The Twlight zone?" It was the one Richard Matheson did that they remade in the Twilight Zone movie that Jennifer Jason Lee's dad swallowed the helicopter blade. The one with the plane with the little demon on the wing and John Lithgow. Remeber the old Shatner version from the Tv show? It looked alot like the shit monster. I should ask Kevin that. Not only did it have a shit monster,it had Shatner. "Dear...God.. We.. are... all...gonnadie. There...is...something...ontheweing". Carey did it better. : None of these should be looked at as blasphemy, or heresy, or jabs at God. There were plenty of jabs at religion and the church, which I don't have any problem with. If you read your Bible you'll realize that Jesus was pretty hard on the church himself.::::: : That would be a monumental feat because there was no church. Unless you count Judaism as the Church of the time. Or those damn pagans with their orgies and oracles. : : 3)The Message - Let me just say I don't care for Alanis Morisette. Don't care for her music or what little I know about her philosophies of life. But it was nothing less than PERFECT casting having her as God. ::: : I dont care for her music or her message. I'd still lay the wood. Im Americas Friend. : To me, when Ben Affleck looks at her at the end, in that moment is the message of the film. God is good, and everything, no matter how terrible it seems, is going to be alright.:: : Until his fucking head explodes like Muslim Terrorist cell skullfucked 15 pounds of C4 into it. : : So I applaud Kevin for making this film, for the brilliant casting (Alan Rickman was incredible),:::: : I've been told he does a great imitation Leonard Nimoy impersonation in that Tim Allen movie. : ::and for lifting up God and religion with very careful and caring hands. And for making the whole thing funny and entertaining and meaningful in the process. :: : Dont forget he also had Salma Hayek as a stripper. Edward Norton is the mack. I used to think he was a blooming nutcase for dating the chick that inspired Kurt Cobain to fellate a sawed off, but now hes working Salma and i have regained respect for him. And he was good in Fight Club. Fight CLub was good,damn it,and all the squares who say it was to violent can kiss my space monkey butt. And that Brad Pitt is so muscula. : : If you're a Christian and you avoid this film because of what you might've heard or read or received a newsletter about, shame on you.:: : No. Don't shame them. Tell them to make up their own minds. But dont be Anti-them because you just play into the hands of those rottweiler-loving closet Nazis. Every person I have met so far from Argentina has blonde hair. Creepy. : -MickCollins,whose confirmation name was Blaise because every other pussy was taking Michael. We needed some variety. and I enjoy blessing throats.

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